Archive | December 28, 2015

Two weeks is too far and too close

Two weeks from today the cancer comes out. I’m hoping that it goes well and it’s all encapsulated. I know with my symptoms that may be in vain but still I hold out hope.

Stlll trying to figure how I get to the hospital and then how I get home. I may take the bus since it’s not like I’m taking a long trip. Just taking a small bag and most of it will be things to do since they have said it’s a 4 to 7 day stay depending on what they have to do to remove it. This is where I’ll be going: It cracks me up that they have a beauty parlour.

I did more research on my doctor since I have an HMO I don’t get much say on who I have treating me but it turns out he is the guy in Southern California you go to for ovarian cancer. That makes me feel a lot better that he is going to find it all if he can.

I know that having the surgery is going to make me feel worse for awhile before it feels better especially if I have to go through chemo and/or radiation. I remember what my brother was like going through it and it wasn’t good. I hope the treatments effects have gotten better not worse than what he went through for brain cancer. And I admit that the only thing I’m at all vain about is my hair and I really, really, really don’t want to be bald. I’ll look hideous. I will not have a beautiful smooth bald head. I have a giant lipoma on my head and my skull has square corners not a nice rounded shape. At least when Cam went bald his head was pretty. I also hate wearing hats for longer than an hour or two at a time. I hate anything that blocks my crown chakra or third eye. It can make me a bit buggy. Not to mention that I have a huge head. This was my head as a baby,

mb1 004.jpg 1

The size of my cranium and that of most of my family seems to be a Scottish thing. When my sister and I went to see “So I married and axe murderer” we got a lot of funny looks in the theater because we got absolutely hysterical over the Scottish father complaining about his kid’s huuuuge head. I definitely do not have the Swedish side’s beautiful round heads. I’m a block head and any hat I have now will probably not fit until my hair grows back anyway. I really don’t want to wear one of those scarves that scream “CHEMO PATIENT”.  When I was at camp I used to be able to wear either a Dutch Bargeman’s hat or a newsboy cap and sometimes a baseball hat just to keep from getting my head sunburned. Nothing sucks more than burning your part and the tops of your ears. It’s just gross to peel your head like a zipper.

All the chemo headwear online is awfully foofy and way too femmy for me. I suppose I could just use a bandana and try to look like a tough dyke but that would just reduce most of my friends to tears of laughter I’m afraid.

Hopefully, I don’t have to do a number on some idiot like the one I did on a woman in a restaurant one time when I had just driven Cam from chemo.  Cam’s hair had fallen out and he had a target for radiation painted in purple across his head so he had to wear a cap. I had taken him to Coco’s to see if I could temp him to eat anything.  He got up to be sick in the bathroom and this woman in the booth next to us started to try and shame him to take his hat off by making several loud comments about men who wore their hats indoors. When he was gone I went over to her and reamed her a new one about it and that he had cancer and was having chemo and had to wear the hat and watched she and her companion try to sink under the table while I quite explicitly told her what I thought of her petty meaness. They got up and scuttled out soon after that but I bet she never did that again to anyone. I have a feeling I did my big scary glamour on her and I’m not sorry a bit because she brought it on herself. Shaming people because you believe they are wrong is just nasty and someone that tries that with me will get me in their face. Poor Cam just wanted to disappear he was so humiliated by her. I’m afraid I do not have that temperament and would come out swinging my battle axe and I will not be among the wounded.

But that hasn’t happened yet.

I found this one:

Or this one

This one?:

But this is an old favourite: