Archive | December 15, 2015

Grieving the loss of something I love

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I’ve led the Yule caroling every year for over 10 years for our public ritual. The last few years have been hard because I can no longer tune my guitar as accurately as I want to and I’m sorry but I find electronic tuners annoying and not quite as accurate as the human year.

Now it appears last year was the last time I might have been able to lead the carols. If I had known it was going to be the last time I would have cherished it even more last year.

There is something very sacred in people singing together and if it’s very old songs that have been loved for hundreds of years it’s even more special even if as pagans we sing our own words.

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As a child, going to Christmas eve service and singing in the dark with other people whose hearts were wide open was the magic I always wanted to know but magic and the sacred isn’t only on what night a year. As a pagan I have found that magic in many ways but I still cherish the energy and open hearts that people have at this time of year and that I have always remember.

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Light follows dark

Anyway, I’m grieving the ability to do something I love. Damn body is just not making life easy for me. I was sick all weekend and I’m sick of the whole thing and I’m hoping that surgery cures the problem and that chemo and radiation are not hiding around the corner but if it is, I’ll do it. This is the season for hope, sometimes hope is just a small flame in the dark. May the sun come again and bring her light to return on Solstice and maybe, bring a little healing along with the light. I have too much left to do, stories to write, pictures to draw, people to sing with, people to love.

So this Yule the best gift is to tell people I love them