Archive | November 25, 2015

Uh oh

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Flameshift to calm my own fears

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Every day and every night that I say the geneology of Brighid
I shall not be killed
I shall not be harmed
I shall not be put into a cell
I shall not be wounded

No fire, no sun, no moon shall burn me
No lake, no water, no sea shall drown me.

For I am the child of Poetry,
Poetry, child of Reflection,
Reflection, child of Meditation,
Meditation, child of Lore,
Lore, child of Research,
Research, child of Great Knowledge,
Great Knowledge, child of Intelligence,
Intelligence, child of Comprehension,
Comprehension, child of Wisdom,
Wisdom, child of Brighid.
Carmina Gaedelica edited by Lunea Weatherstone

May my words be as considered as poetry,
May I reflect on all I do or say,
May I meditate on those things important spiritually
May I seek to know more of the lore
May I research what I am curious about and what will enable me to grow
May I seek to know great knowledge,
May I acknowledge the intelligence of others
May I comprehend what I seek to learn and apply those lessons
May I know that seeking wisdom is not the same as being wise.
May I be a child of Brighid.

SelfBlessing is by me

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Brighid, bean-oirdheirc
Lasrach grad
Fetaim lasrach soillse
Thoir cuireadh sinne
ris a’ bheatha
mhaireannach`

Brighid, Sublime Woman
Quick flame
Long may you burn bright!
You give us the invitation
to life everlasting

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As the stomach churns- all on high alert now

Yesterday I met with the obgyn because of what they said was on the MRI. Usually I get a copy of the reports but not this time. I wish they had because I might have been more prepared for the news. There will be no biopsy. They are going straight to surgery.

As I watched the obgyn read the reports which they had not bothered to forward to her and she got them while I sat there, she was getting more and more alarmed and she started to show them to me and underline things in the reports that should have sent up red flags before now. I like her a lot and it turns out that her obgyn is the obgyn/oncologist that did my hysterectomy in 1996.

I have a 13cm tumour, that’s big because 1cm = .39 inches. So over 5 inches. She said because it was solid that it was more likely to be cancer. She sent me straight downstairs for 3 blood tests that are for ovarian cancer markers. She also says she is going to shove through the referral to see an oncologist that she really likes. She recommended two that she liked operating with. She didn’t want to take something out without the oncologist since they would probably have go back in again if it was cancer. Both them are at Huntington Memorial and one is also with USC Medical School, all really good recommendations.

So now I see the oncologist and they will schedule surgery. Looks like my zipper will get another workout.

I’m having rapidly changing emotions but mostly I’m mad. For a year and a half I’ve gotten pats on the head and basically been told, take Imodium and maybe it will go away but I knew something was wrong and badly wrong. What if I was the kind of person that blindly did what doctors told me? I still would have a tumour and no clue about it. Ovarian cancer is really hard to diagnose but this is ridiculous. Every specialist seems only to be able to see their part of body. I would be royally screwed if I hadn’t kept pushing and saying something was wrong and it still may be too late. Women, if you know something is wrong, do not allow a doctor to ignore you, push until you know what is wrong.

Knot of Isis

Knot of Isis: http://youtu.be/ndssa0FBXmA

Just because

At the end of the universe
A blood red cord
Binds life to death and will to destiny
Let the knot of that red sash
Bind us together
Cradling our hips and weaving all our dreams.

(Chours) We are the knot where the whole world meets
Red magic passes through our veins
Magic of magic
Spirit of spirit
We are the power of Isis

We are bound mind to mind
We are bound heart to heart
Heaven in one hand
Earth in the other
We will walk in harmony

(Chorus)

Give us not consolation
Give us Magic!
Give us the spell of living well
Give us Magic!

Chorus and
We are the power of Isis
We are the power of Isis
We are the power of Isis

Original translation from the Book of going forth – Normandy Ellis