Why I will NEVER wear anything vintage

It cracks me up that “vintage clothing” is in and particularly the clothes from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. As someone who wore a lot of those fashions, I personally think vintage clothing wearers are nuts. At least, if they are wearing them with the vintage underwear that went with them. Really? Are you the kind of person that likes being incredibly uncomfortable?

Let’s see, this includes those instruments of torture known as the girdle and its accompanying horror the garter belt. I refused to wear the latter. Nothing beats sitting on a metal bench at a pep rally in a mini skirt and having the metal garters feel like they are going to ignite on a hundred degree day in Southern California. Or having those garters pop open and your stocking drop to your shoes. Or if you are growing taller by the minute and your stockings are suddenly too short. Seriously, girdles were one of the most uncomfortable things ever created outside of the cone cupped bra and you had to wear them even if you were a skinny mini like me, 56 lbs in 7th grade because something had to hold up those stockings that ran faster than your nose could on a cold morning. NO pantyhose yet!

Yeah, that cone cupped bra that was our first bra when we had something to actually fill it. It hurt. It rubbed and it itched and had stays.

There were no panty hose, and underpants were either your Carters rosebud granny pants or nylon panties that had a fondness for giving you a permanent wedgie once they were older than a week old.

And that doesn’t even count the equipment you used to have to wear when you had your period underneath that girdle. It was a belt with a hook with teeth to hold that wayward giant napkin that doubled in its off hours as a pontoon on an Alaskan float plane. Yeah, sitting on that hook was a real pleasure designed to make you inadvertently stand up in class from your seat and look like an idiot when you held back the scream of pain. Not to mention trying to hide the damn things in your purse.

Shoes, unless they were Clarks wallabies or moccasins were awful and if you were dumb enough to buy a pair of Earth shoes made you feel if you were standing in a hole.

Remember these were the days of polyester and Quiana, both guaranteed to stick like glue on a hot day and make your sweat stinky and look like you were in a really tacky wet tshirt contest. Dittos jeans with a Quiana no sleeve shirt were in and the Dittoes gave you a saddle outline on your butt when you took them off and an uncomfortable seam to sit on but damn, you looked good in those tiny tight pants.

Mini skirts made you do the limbo to drink out of drinking fountain to keep from showing all the equipment you were wearing underneath and filled you with terror when you needed to go up or down an open stairwell with a crowd of boys standing underneath to look up your skirt.

So no, I will not be wearing absolutely anything vintage that I remember wearing before.

Why the Air sings

Once upon a time the Air was very quiet. There was no sound as she moved across the Earth and Water. This used to scare the Earth quite a lot and it also made the Air lonely. No one ever greeted her or played with her because they didn’t know Air was there.

The other Elements got together for a meeting. “This has got to stop!” said the Earth. “How can we work together and play together when we never know she’s there!”

“We can’t see her or hear her. How can we change that?” said Fire.

“We need her to make some noise. Can we teach her to sing?” pondered Water.

“Hmmm, maybe I can.” contemplated the Earth. “I’m tired of getting spooked and when she knows she’s frightened us she gets even quieter!”

So the Earth put a mountain where she thought the Air was and sure enough the Air tried very shyly to creep around the mountain. “Please stop and stay for a bit.” the Earth said to the Air.

“Why? said the Air. “Why do you want me to stay?” the Air was moving in slow spirals.

“Because we want to get to know you and you never play with us. May I teach you to sing?” said the Earth. “We’d like you to play with us and we can see you or hear you and if you would sing with us I think we’d all be happier.

“You want me to play and sing with you?” asked the Air.

“Yes! You are the only one who doesn’t play with us and we would like you to join us and be friends.” said the Earth.

“Really? You want me to play with you? cried the Air. “I’ve been lonely and I didn’t know if I was welcome.”

“How do you know if you aren’t welcome if you don’t come and find out.” asked the Earth. “So, do you want to learn to sing or not?”

“Oh, yes! said the Air, “Yes, what do I do?”

“See the trees on this mountain? They have leaves that if you move against them will make a lovely sound. And if you move around this mountain quickly that will make a different sound. Why don’t you try that and then I think Water has some sounds to teach you as well.” explained the Earth.

The Air started through the trees and it made a lovely rustling noise and she tried moving slowly and then quickly and she found she could vary and change the sound with different speeds. Then she tried moving up down and around the mountain. That made fun noises too. The Air was getting more and more excited. This was fun!

Air went to find Water. “Hello Water! What can you teach me? I’m so excited!”

“I can see that,” laughed the Water. “I take it Earth found you and showed you how to sing with the trees?”

Oh, yes! And it’s lovely.’ said Air. “How did you know I could sing?”

“I heard you and I liked what I heard,” laughed Water. “Would you like to try some more sounds?”

“Please?” sang Air.

“All right. Please move across the lake here and see if you can make the tops dance and then you can try the ocean. If you push it around I’m sure it will make some lovely sounds.” explained the Water. “When you’re done, why don’t you try Fire?”

The Air went and played across the lakes and learned wonderful splashing sounds. She stayed and played for awhile and then went to try the ocean. She found she could make huge booming sounds and little splashing sounds and this taught her a new sound, giggling. This pleased her very much and she went to find Fire.

“Fire! I’m having so much fun playing with the Earth and the Water. I can make noise! Will you teach me too?” Air was very excited and moving in quick little eddies.

“Of course,” said Fire. “I’ve been waiting for you to ask. There is a nice campfire down the way. Why don’t you try playing with her and then you can work your way up to one of my volcanoes.”

Air went to the campfire and sound she could make nice crackling noises but she had to be careful. She didn’t want to get out of control and hurt something. She went and found the volcano and saw that she could make loud booming noises as well as small dripping and glooping noises. Air was very happy and noticed that playing with the other Elements was fun. The Elements were happier too and that is why Air sings. They were supposed to work together and now they could. All was in balance and good in the World.

BunniHoTep learns about Samhain

Once upon a time a ship made its way into the harbor at the top of the Nile. It was visiting this harbor for a second time. The first time was after a mighty storm had brought them but this time they weren’t going to make it all the way home for their holiday and decided to visit BunniHoTep and spend it with her.

The ship nosed itself into the dock and a red haired little girl leapt off the dock and went streaking for a small temple at the end of Temple Row. Sesi flew like an arrow launched from one of her father’s bows along the avenue. She ran into the Temple looking around her for her friend. Where was she?

BunniHoTep was in her garden because here in the south they were still growing things in the garden. Her lovely pink lotuses towered over her by the edge of the pond and the papyruses nodded their heads in the slight breeze that was passing through. A late bunch of carrots were showing their shoulders in the garden patch as well as a nice crop of beets and cabbage and some leafy lettuce was starting up in the far bed. All in all it was a lovely big cornucopia of food and she was proud of it. Into this pond of calm came whirlwind Sesi who scooped the tiny goddess up and whirled her around making BunniHoTep quiet dizzy. One does not normally take physical liberties with a goddess even a small rabbit goddess so I guess it can be forgiven that BunniHoTep was confused for a moment.

“Sesi! Put me down.” BunniHoTep yelled.

Sesi dropped the goddess gently by the lotus pool.

“What are you doing here? You’re a long way from your island home, aren’t you?”

Sesi giggled. “Yes, but we couldn’t get back home before our holiday so I asked Mathair and Athair if we could spend it with you! We’ll head home right after!” Sesi was dancing up and down with excitement. She knew BunniHoTep would love it.

BunniHoTep was looking at her quite confused. “What holiday? We don’t have a holiday today”

“No but we do and it’s our New Year and you should spend it with good friends and people you love and you saved me and I missed you so we are here to spend it with you.” Sesi smiled at BunniHoTep but BunniHoTep still didn’t understand.

“We have a festival for Bast tomorrow and I usually watch her latest batch of kittens so she can party with Sekmet but it isn’t New Year’s for us.” BunniHoTep said.

“No, we have a feast for our dead on the days that are halfway between the equinox and winter solstice. It’s called Samhain.” BunniHoTep frowned at the strange word but didn’t interrupt. “That’s our new year and it’s when the dead come visit and we set the table for them and the faeries come and we bring in the last harvest and we eat and tell stories for 3 whole days and, and, and.” The words, as usual were flooding out of Sesi.

“Stop! What’s this about your dead coming to visit? The dead don’t visit us here on the Nile, we like our dead to stay dead in their tombs where we put them so they can prepare for their re-birth.” BunniHoTep looked at the little girl a bit apprehensively by now Sesi’s mother and father and siblings had caught up with the little girl. Sesi’s father picked her up and said. “Maybe we had better explain our holiday to BunniHoTep? She might not like all our customs.” He said raising an eyebrow at his daughter. “Maybe we can talk a bit before we ask her to join us?” and he lead the way over to the bench.

“We don’t treat our dead the way you do here.” He started stopped looking at BunniHoTep for a sign he should continue. BunniHoTep motioned for him to go on. So he did.

“Our dead stay with us and advise us after they are dead. We don’t mummify our dead we cremate them and keep their heads.” BunniHoTep looked a bit upset at this so he hurried on.

“Don’t worry they are at home where they belong in their niches.” He explained. “We’ll do something different this year, normally we invite them to our feast and we tell stories and treat them as if they were still here and let them know that they are still loved and remembered.”

BunniHoTep nodded. “I can understand that. When someone dies you miss them terribly it must be comforting.” And she motioned him to continue.

“We sometimes take them around to places they remember and also to scare any of the Fair Folk away that might have bad intentions.”

“Fair Folk?” BunniHoTep inquired.

“Beings that live in our country who can be mischievous and not always have our best interests at heart and at this time of year can lead them away and the people may never be seen again. They can drag you to live under our hills. They like creative humans and it’s best to keep away from them. They don’t always understand the love of families for each other.”

“All right, I’d love to celebrate your holiday with you but no heads traveling around here without their bodies, in fact no spirits at all. Can you honour them without that? I don’t want to be explaining to Ma’at why there are spirits around she hasn’t judged and it would confuse Ammit terribly and I don’t even want to know what Anubis would say.” BunniHoTep shuddered. She thought explaining to Isis would be bad enough but she thought Nepthys would understand.

“So what do we need to do?” BunniHoTep asked. “Get ready for a feast and a night of story telling?”

“Exactly.” Said Sesi’s dad and they went into the Temple. BunniHoTep calling for her priestesses and sending the running to harvest the vegetables and start one of their lovely soups for dinner. Other priestesses were sent to set tables in the big temple chamber. They were airing the linens and beating the carpets that all would sit on. The Temple became beehive of activity. The smells of honeycakes and rich, warm cooking smells were found throughout the Temple and BunniHoTep couldn’t take it anymore so she took them for a tour of Temple Row and to see the eternal flame they had taught her about last time that resided in Isis’ Temple.

She was also trying to think of a way for them to honour their dead with out those nasty skulls. The very thought made BunniHoTep tremble but she was starting to have an idea that might work. Sesi’s family had contributed some vegetables to the feast from the place they came from and she has seen something that gave her an idea.

They walked around a long time and BunniHoTep suggested they all take a nap before dinner in the cool chambers of the Temple. They just weren’t used to the heat of an Egyptian day.

So while her guests were napping BunniHoTep went to work. She selected what she needed from what they had brought and took it to her workroom and set about it. She tried several different ways until she found one she liked and she was very pleased with it. She just hoped they would like it too.

Soon it was nightfall and time for the feast. After the gods and goddesses had been thanked for their presence and they had given prayers of thanks for the food, BunniHoTep brought out her creation from under the low table and placed it carefully at a place setting she had made. “I know you don’t have your family here to have a meal with us but I was hoping this might do.” She unveiled her creation. The family stared and then started to cheer and laugh and BunniHoTep relaxed. This was going to work after all.

BunniHoTep had taken a vegetable they called a turnip and had hollowed it out and carefully carved a face in it that looked a lot like Sesi’s father. She had carefully placed a tiny candle and put the top back on. It sat at its place glowing with a pleasant smile like it was bestowing a blessing on all that were at the feast.

Sesi’s family thought this was an admirable solution to what had seemed a big problem. The feast went on and when the celebration was over they family headed back to their ship in the harbor. Sesi clutching the turnip carefully so that it shown their way home.

Sesi’s parents thanked BunniHoTep immensely. It was a kind gesture to a family missing their loved ones and quite frankly, a lot cheerier than having Uncle Hamish at the table.

And so the Jack O’ Lantern was born in a land far away. Bet you didn’t know it came from a bunny.