Tag Archive | spirituality

Cancer and my spiritual path

Someone commented somewhere else that they couldn’t understand what a cancer diagnosis had to do with spirituality. Something I became readily aware of that regardless of whether I survive or not, it has everything to do with my spirituality. All three of the Goddesses I’m ordained to are healing  goddesses of some sort because even a goddess associated with death is a healing goddess. I’m inclined to think that my relationship with Brighid, Hecate and Quan Yin is going to become a different relationship than it has been when my health problems were of the chronic sort and not the acute sort.

Depending on whose stats you look at Ovarian cancer has a really bad survival rate some put it as low as 24%. I hope to beat that 24% and raise it but one never knows what cards you are going to draw.  A lot depends on the stage and whether it has spread. It could be attached to my intestines or my bladder or both. Because I have some numbness in my right leg it could be doing nasty things to my spinal nerves and because I have plaques in my lower lung it could have gone travelling there which I guess is quite common according to my obgyn.

They have told me the hospital stay could be from 4-7 days next week. A seven day hospital stay does not sound like any fun to me. I haven’t had a stay that long since my eye operation as a kid and that really wasn’t any fun at all. At least now I can fight back if a nurse hurts me, when I was little I couldn’t even see it coming.

Tonight I’m going to light a 7 day Brighid candle, to start the process. If I’m not too sick next Monday night maybe I’ll post how it went. I might not depending on what the prognosis is and how well I’m processing that information.

I have to say it has made me more attentive to things. The first bird I heard yesterday was a crow, this morning some crazy mockingbird was singing in the rain. And we have our long awaited rain and it’s supposed to stay all week.

So I look up and out and treasure each moment. I treasure all the friends that have said encouraging things here and on Facebook. For some reason at the moment I’m not scared. I probably should be but not having the cancer out is not an option but it’s just a first step.

I wish Laura or Mary had talked more about what they were going through. I wish I knew what they had thought or faced. I know each journey is personal and I’m a pretty private person but maybe I can help someone else in this situation or not.

I did think it’s pretty funny that there are so many men that want to be women right now but will never know the truth about being a woman and owning the parts of a woman that can turn around and kill you. They’ll be women when they can get ovarian, uterine, cervical and have a higher rate of breast cancer, until then, they aren’t women.

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Chapter 2 and now I’m even madder.

Chapter two and the I’m done with this shit

As I posted the other day, the international spiritual organization of my tradition is having a problem governing themselves since our Founder died.

I quit the round table the other day after dropping a bomb in their close-minded little pool on the other side of the pond. My co- Archdruidess, hung on for a bit after backing my points up. She also copied the comments after I quit and kindly sent me them this morning. She got called a troll, for Pete’s sake. Talk about a lot of shit about how they weren’t racist and we were the problem for pointing out the problem of benevolent dictatation.

Here are some of the excuses for them continuing on and not changing the way they are doing things.

I’m even madder now.

How many excuses did they use?

Minorities don’t have the internet, Uhh, Racist much?

The benevolent but we are open, they just aren’t here? Yeah you added them without asking just to be able to say you did and they got offended by your colonialist bullshit and left without saying anything.

“Lady Olivia welcomed everyone”, Yeah but you sure is hell don’t.

“I’m not a racist, I accept people with purple and green spots”? No, you don’t or you wouldn’t be so damn offended when someone of the white race points out the obvious racism by a bunch of old white women. You’d acknowledge the point and stop whining that someone called you on your shit. And you wouldn’t call the person that pointed it out a racist or a Troll

“But we invited every ethnicity, they aren’t commenting”. Uh, did you even notice when they dropped out? No I didn’t think so.

It’s really the Mercury Retrograde that is causing it, uh no, you were this way before I pointed it out, thast’s why I pointed it out in the first place

D – “you’re really stressed because of your partner’s health so you aren’t being nice and seeing how nice we are being”.

Americans are too sensitive???????

You are causing the problem because you are the one who brought it up?????

Kat- “you are sitting in darkness and not allowing the light to shine”, Seriously??? Are you fucking crazy? Do you hear yourselves?

Kat- have you ever travelled? do you know about enthnocentrism? Uh yeah. I have traveled and I was born and live in the US which in case you Brits hadn’t noticed we have a wee bit of a problem with racial tension. And in case you hadn’t noticed, you’ve had a few race riots too.

At least, I am aware that all white people have privilege and can commit unconscious and conscious offences. I know that all whites have to police themselves and that I have blank spots sometimes but at least I admit I can be stupid and apologize when I commit an offence. This is bloody ridiculous and really offensive to everyone that isn’t them. There are no excuses and we must try harder. We just have to.

I’m not even mad about the reaction to me as much as all the people (the other 20,000) that they are totally ignoring. My sense of justice and fairness is mightily aroused and it hurts my heart.

Effing A

Prayer for a Summer Morning

Today is an amazingly beautiful California morning. I was in awe of the many colours of green in the trees this morning. It was wonderful to just drink the colour in through my eyes. I had to only choose 9 of the trees there are so many beautiful trees this morning.

I raise my face to a beautiful summer morning

Blessings of greens of trees

Blessings of a sunny morning

Blessings of a cool breeze

As I walk through this day.

Flexibility of the tall palms

Beauty of Redwood

Grace of the Sycamore

Fragrance of Pines

Healing of Eucalyptus

Spicyness of the Pepper tree

Glory of the Coral tree

Nourishment of the Olive

Longevity of Oak

Blessings and protection of the trees

Be with me all this day and night

Every minute from twilight to twilight,

Light to dark and dark to light.

Prayer for a Summer Day

I ask the blessings of the light this summer day

From nine blessings of light

From the light through the stained glass green of a sycamore leaf

From the rainbow of the water in sprinklers

From the shimmer of light through palm fronds

From the glow of a dandelion head in the sunlight

From the fire of the jewel-like dew drop

From the pearly glow of a seed pod of a Golden Flame tree

From the iridescence of the feathers of the raven

From the shine of fur on a squirrel’s tail

From the sparkling tail of the head of grasses

I ask the blessing of light

Shine on me this day and in my heart

Through the between times and the night

Blessings of the healing light on all whom need it

Blessings of the internal glow of hearts

Blessings of the warming light of love

Be blessed this day

So mote it be!

Prayer for a Summer Morning

I turn my face to the wind this lovely morning.
Blow me clear of obstruction and cares.
Purify my mind
Purify my soul
Purify my heart
Let me see clearly through all problems and
Obstacles this morning until fall of night

I ask the nine plants of the Chaparral
To bless me this day:
Fertility of Liveoak
Health of White Fir
Magic of Jeffrey Pine
Wisdom to Elder
Protection of Incense Cedar
Flexibility of Willow
Nourishment of Cattails
Strength of Manzanita
Joy of the Bush Poppy
May they lift my heart all this day
Until the twilight gloaming.

Kat

Prayer for a Summer’s Day

May blessings fall on all I love and care for
This sunny Summer day:
Blessings to their hearts
Blessings to their minds
Blessings to their souls
All through this day and
All through the night.

I ask the protection of nine stones
This day in Summer:
Warmth of Carnelian
Healing of Rose Quartz
Clear thinking of Citrine
Spirituality of Charoite
Growth of Moss Agate
Peace of Lapis Lazuli
Grounding of Hematite
Magic of Moonstone
Protection of Obsidian,
Watch over me this day
And this night.

Kat 2013

Prayer for a Summer Morning

I greet this lovely Summer day
With my face to the sun
Warmth of heart
Warmth of soul
Warmth of being
Be with me this day
And into the night.

I surround my self with the protection
Of the nine animals
Of my mountains:
Cleverness of raccoon
Speed of field mouse
Determination of bear
Far-seeing of bat
Patience of rattlesnake
Boldness of fence lizard
Grace of deer
Nimbleness of ground squirrel
Intelligence of bobcat.
Be with me all this day from this morning’s light
And all through the night.

Kat 2013