Courtesy of Max Dashu
LEDa – Goddess of Holiday lights. Her minions can be found everywhere you turn in the holiday season both indoors and outdoors. She is characterized by low energy consumption and by the wigging out of your eyeballs because her LEDs can’t be looked at for very long. She is a friend of the dark goddess, Migraina. She is best propitiated by stealthy unplugging the displays put up by her minions. And by the consumption of an offering of 800mg of Ibuprofen.
Carolingua – Goddess of incessant Christmas carols in stores and malls. Our next dark Goddess for the season is Carolingua. She is the auditory cousin of LEDa and almost as unavoidable. She can be found lurking in elevators, stores, shopping malls and sometimes even invades offices and workplaces. She can manifest as live music or as a recording and be equally pervasive. She is best met with earmuffs, even in California, noise cancelling headphones and again the blessings of ibuprofen. She has a disturbing side effect of becoming an earworm that nothing will get rid of. Small exposures can be tolerated but large does can induce insanity.
Udrippa – Goddess of rainy week days, She can be found more in some places than others. She rarely visits Southern California but when she does she likes to cause flash floods, rolling boulders and bad drivers. She is propitiated by rain coats and galoshes but views umbrellas as a challenge to her authority. Her offerings of hot tea, hot chocolate, preferably with whip cream or marshmallows. Coffee is too ordinary to provide an offering. Beware if not provided with a timely offering she will send drips down your neck from the smallest gap and wet your socks through infinitesimal holes in your shoes.
reblogged from last year but the way this year is going…
Uranata, Rudolpha and Digita Frigida.
We have three new Goddesses in Southern California courteous of Climate change. The average low temperature for Los Angeles is 49.7 and for the last 2 weeks it’s been in the high 20’s and the low 30’s in the San Fernando Valley. Last night was a low record of 34 in downtown. It’s time we got to know the goddesses from other parts of the word.
Uranata is the goddess associated with dead runs to the toilet to pee induced by sudden exposure to cold. She is friendly with a previously mentioned goddess Sonambula. She can be invoked by sticking a foot out from under the blanket if a hot flash hits, stepping onto a kitchen’s tile floor, walking to the bus in the morning and out of work at night and drinking tea or hot chocolate before bed. Her sacrifices are the noise made when hitting cold bathroom tile in the night and the involuntary exhalation when hitting a frigid toilet seat and the freezing of the hands washing up afterwards. She has a wicked sense of humour as does Rudolpha.
Rudolpha is the goddess of red noses, chapped cheeks and reddened lips and ears. Her dedicants are popular on travel posters of Sweden , Scotland and other northern climes but she is steadily working her way south to Southern California like every other snowbird. She is invoked by quick walks to the bus or train, checking for mail or the newspaper and any other outside venture in cold temperatures. Her sacrifices are the flaking skin from chapped skin and the surface of your tongue if you are stupid enough to lick something metal when it’s freezing.
Digita Frigida is the goddess of cold hands and feet. The easiest of the goddess to propitiate via a pair of gloves or mittens or warm socks and if necessary sticking your hands in your armpits. Or if she follows you to bed, under the dog or cat or if necessary the back of anyone you share a bed with. This last one can get you summarly dumped out of the afore mentioned bed. If not propitiated correctly she delights in stiffening your hands and sometimes causing pain in the fingers and toes. Her sacrifices are the stinging sensation as the fingers and toes warm up and in extreme cases the loss of said digits. She is the most cruel of the winter goddesses.
I find that in winter I’m held hostage to 3 dark goddesses who demand constant offerings, Arthritica, Xerosia, and Sonambula, These goddesses are the harsh mistresses of Winter.
Arthritica demands offerings of Tiger Balm, Thermacare and the occasional poor hapless Ben Gay. Arthritica is invoked with a sudden grab of a body part and the emitting of either a high pitched whine or an inappropriate 4 letter word. She is usually invoked when the barometer is falling or rain and snow are. She often makes her presence felt in mornings upon waking or when in the act of making a sudden grab for things. She has 2 children Bum Knee and Knobby Knuckles. She is a harsh mistress and all too often is our introduction to the Crone and Sage life paths.
Xerosia is a goddess most often found where the children of cold winters have lived or migrated to. She is particularly fond of people from Northern European countries like Scotland and Scandinavia. You know her by the cherry cheeks on children on travel posters and the cracks in your hands. Her dedicants can be found buying back scratchers at Cost Plus and rubbing up and down on rough surfaces like bears rub on trees. Her offerings are Advanced Therapy lotion, Bath oil, massage oils, large glasses of water and saunas. She also will accept a large serving of oily nuts or sardines. She loves houses with central air and a good blustery day.
Sonambula is the goddess of midnight darkness but her greatest delight is to make people sleep and to make them crave a nap. As the nights grow longer around Solstice she likes to send people off to the land of Nod for short visits at inopportune moments. Should you want to invoke her, hot cocoa and warm milk are her offerings. She also likes to see her adherents in flannel pj’s and flannel sheets even if this can make the dedicant feel like they are re-enacting a Sunday School flannel board presentation. She has several children , Snoozia, goddess of the snooze alarm and her brothers 5moreminute and Snorius, god of loud sleepers being the most invoked. Her dedicants can be found saying things like “I’m only resting my eyes!” and “How did that program end?” People with pets may feel like their pets are in league with Sonambula on cold nights when the bed becomes crowded.
Because I’m dreaming of colder weather