Tag Archive | scots

A Lesbian Scot tries to use the restroom

Back in the 80’s right after I had come home from a month in Britain, I went to hear the Royal Massed bands with the Gordon and Sutherland Highlanders at UCLA with my parents. We used to go whenever any of the Scots Guards bands came to town.

At intermission I went and stood in the enormous long line for the women’s restroom and didn’t think anything about it until this expensively, badly dressed woman started asking me at the top of her voice if I was in the right line. Shouldn’t I be in the men’s room line?

She was making an effort to embarrass me and she was sure I was a man. I was dressed in a blue button down shirt and a tie my grandfather had left me, blue jeans and the blue Fairisle I had bought in Scotland and I had just had my hair cut short in a pixie cut. I had 44 D boobs at the time but I guess she could only see my clothes since I weighed about a 110 lbs at the time, you could see that my top story wasn’t really small.

I just stared at her because I really didn’t know what to do. How do you prove you’re a woman without stripping to some unintelligent bigoted yahoo? You can’t.
Thank heavens for little old Scottish ladies that are used to seeing women in ties for school or other things. This tiny old woman walked up to the old bigot and in a very thick Scottish Highland accent told her to shut her mouth and asked if she had a brain since it was obvious to her that I was a woman and that she really should invest in some glasses if she couldn’t tell.

The woman quickly left the line and the Scottish lady came over and patted me and reassured me that some people were just stupid and she went into the bathroom with me and that was it. I had an a least 80 year old fierce protector as only little Scottish grannies can be and I was so grateful.

When I got back to my seat and told my parents , it was a very good thing my dad didn’t have a claymore. He always got worked up at Scottish events and could yell during “Black Bear” with the loudest of them, something that used to make my brother and I want to crawl under the seats. There would have been blood. (http://cornemusique.free.fr/ukblackbear.php)

Nowadays it looks like someone would have called the cops and I would have had to pull down my drawers in public. This is all just wrong

A prayer for St Patrick’s day

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Art by Joanne Colbert

Dearest Brighid

May I keep my mouth shut today and not tell people “pog mo thoin”. Let me allow ignorant non-Irish to pinch me and not punch them. Give me the inspiration and the grace to be a person of peace on this day celebrating a misogynistic, intolerant, old Scottish troll. Help me not be tempted to take the hammer of your forge to the unsuspecting heads of the annoying.

Lady, give me strength of character not bludgeon people with history and let them keep their drunken hysteria.

So mote it be! Lady, please give me peace.

Slainte mhath, h-uile latha, na chi ‘snach fhaic. Slainte!
Good health, every day, whether I see you or not. Health!………The Royal Scots Toast

Dree yer ain Weird – a thought for a January morning of beginnings

Something most Scots have heard if their family still keeps its culture. To “Dree yer ain weird is to follow, practice, suffer your own destiny.

The underlying theme of growing up is to find out what you are meant to do and do it. But how many of us actually do, do it? Sometimes it’s easier to go with the flow or what our parent’s ideas of what we should grow up to be.

Oddly enough it goes handily with the Church of Scotland/Presbyterian view of predestination and the belief in free will that I was raised with at church and that doesn’t change with my paganism. I do think we choose our own individual destiny even if it’s in not choosing and going with the flow. It’s still a choice and you still exercised free will to not make a choice.

And in a weird way, coming out as a lesbian helped me make choices other than what my parents had in mind because once I had decided to throw out the conditioning to be straight and settle down and provide grandchildren, I was free to decide what I did want to do. I could decide who I lived with or if I lived with any one at all. I was free to choose my dreams. I’m free to write anything I get an idea to write about and thanks to technology be a published author.

It freed me to take the next step and follow what my grandmother had been teaching me and expand into a pagan life. It freed me to determine my own spiritual beliefs and ethics and not to blindly do what I was told without thinking about it. From what I read on Facebook, a lot of my high school contemporaries are still living their lives the way their parents did. The ones I find interesting are the ones who by some circumstance have made their own choices and are not the people they were in high school. Sometimes, not always the best choices but they made choices outside of what would have been pre-determined by their parents. I just found out a friend in high school who I really liked a lot and admired his creativity died of AIDS 10 years ago. He made his own choices to not grow up in Glendale and get married to a nice girl but to be a creative human being and from what I know of him in high school, come out, and I wonder if he regrets those choices or loved the time he had after making those choices.

I think we choose lessons to learn before we return to earth. Each time we return we choose new lessons. We choose the people we have those lessons with. Sometimes it’s learning that certain people are toxic and are working their own set of lessons.

The choices we make after we are born put us in circumstances to learn those lessons. And if we don’t complete the lesson then we get another chance if we would like in the next life. I hope I always choose lessons of love and creativity.

So do ye choose ta dree yer ain weird or are ye dreeing someone else’s?

New Year’s sillies – Are you a true Scottish American?

Are You a True Scottish American; Celt or Gael?

Any of the first statements are automatic qualifiers.

You must:

  1. Like the taste of haggis and eat it willingly.
  1. Have red hair. This includes eyebrows, eyelashes, pubic hair and mustache. (ladies too.)
  1. Like and collect bagpipe music. Will willingly endure an indoor bagpipe concert. The sound of massed pipe bands make you cry and not from pain.
  1. Wear a kilt in public, no matter what your knees look like or whether the wind is blowing. (fishing weights can be wonderful things as well as bike shorts. Regimental can be chilly.

You should:

1.     Accept that your ancestors as well as being royalty were also horse thieves, cattle rustlers, sheep thieves and murderers.. Be especially proud of the latter.

2.     Realize that dessert will be shortbread, trifle, or have oats in it and be excessively sweet. Do Not Expect Chocolate. Unless it is that curious thing called a deep fried Mars bar.

3.     Occasionally contemplate how well your enemies heads would look in wall niches.

4.     Know the Gaelic word for Englishman. Use it as a cuss word frequently

5.     Keep your sporran at the correct height, men, It was originally to protect your private parts. Although how much protection a bag of oats is a subject for discussion.

6.     Realize that you are usually on the losing side of a war. That’s how your ancestors got to this country isn’t it? But you’ll fight anyway, it’s the fight that counts, right?

7.     Realize the dour expression on the face of most Scots comes from wearing woolen underwear. It’s not polite to scratch.

8.     Bathe regularly, remember the English hated us because we did. They couldn’t smell us coming but we could sure smell them.

9.     Always play with your target before going in for the kill. There is a reason so many Scottish clans have cats on their clan badges.

10. Remember the old saying: The Irish drink as an avocation, the Scots do it as a profession. That’s why whisky has no “e” in it, so you can ask for it quicker.

11.  Be able to identify your clan badge or tartan at 50 yards. Be able to identify your enemies at a 100 yards, especially Campbells.

12.  Pick your most obvious and least favourite physical characteristic. You will spend the rest of your life named for it; i.e. Cross-eyed Mairi, Big Nose John, Cameron means crooked or broken nose and Campbell means crooked mouth in Gaelic.

13.  Remember that this is also the country that invented Covenanters and Presbyterianism, Some of us are rabid teetotalers and no fun is allowed! (except for making sure no one else is having any either.)

14. Remember that the Scots take the saying: Never suffer a fool gladly, literally. Don’t be an idiot more than you need to be.

15. Remember, it is your nature to sulk, bear a grudge, take vengeance and switch sides. After all, the Highlanders are still mad at the Campbells after 300 years. The Scots have hated the English since at least 1200 A.D. Why should you be any different?

16. Remember that your little Scottish granny can still beat the crrrapp out  of you. No matter how tall or old you are or how tall or old she is.

17. Believe in faeries and second sight if just to have an excuse for the results of a whole night spent a drink that started with Glen…. If you do have second sight be as vague as possible. The more vague the more famous you will be.

18. And last but not least, the Scots have no internal emotions. All emotions are external, at least in Gaelic. I love you; Tha gaol agam ort, translates I have love for me on you. Romantic, huh?

Do you still want to be a Celt/Gael?

Suas Alba!

Slainte’ mhath, slainte’ mhor

A h-uile latha

Chi’s naic fhaic.

Blessed St Andrew’s Day!

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From my Clan Chief: Michael MacFarlane

St. Andrew’s Day is the feast day of Saint Andrew. It is celebrated on the 30th of November. Saint Andrew is the patron saint of Scotland, and St. Andrew’s Day (Scots: Saunt Andra’s Day, Scottish Gaelic: Là Naomh Aindrea) is Scotland’s official national day.

In 2006, the Scottish Parliament designated St Andrew’s Day as an official bank holiday. It is also a national holiday in Romania.

Although most commonly associated with Scotland, at least in the English-speaking world, Saint Andrew is also the patron saint of Greece, Romania, Russia, Ukraine, Cyprus, the Ecumenical Patriarchate of Constantinople[1] and Saint Andrew, Barbados.

In Germany, the feast day is celebrated as Andreasnacht (“St Andrew’s Night”), in Austria with the custom of Andreasgebet (“St Andrew’s Prayer”), and in Poland as Andrzejki (“Little Andrews”, diminutive), in Russia as Андреева ночь (“Andrew night”). Scotland’s Flag -The Saltire -The Cross of St. Andrew .

The Saltire is the national flag of Scotland and, with a white diagonal cross on a blue background, it represents the crucifixion of the apostle St Andrew, Scotland’s patron saint.

Believed to be the oldest flag in Europe, the origin of the flag comes from an old legend. Tradition has it that the flag originated in a battle fought near the East Lothian village of Athelstaneford in AD 832.

An army of Picts and Scots under King Angus invaded the Lothians (at that time still Northumbrian territory), and found itself surrounded by a larger force of Saxons led by Athelstan.

Fearing the outcome, King Angus led prayers for deliverance and was rewarded by seeing a cloud formation of a white Saltire against the blue sky. The king vowed that if, with the saint’s help, he gained victory, then Andrew would thereafter be the patron saint of Scotland. The Scots did win, and the Saltire eventually became the flag of Scotland.

In 2003 the Scottish Parliament specified the official colour of the flag using the international colour coding system and it was decided that the white St Andrew’s Cross should appear on an azure background known as Pantone 300.

Along with the royal flag, the Lion Rampant, the Saltire can be seen flying with gusto in the crowds of international sporting events, on churches and on national and local government offices.

Customs And Traditions Of St Andrews Day

People in Scotland and Scottish people who find themselves living abroad celebrate St Andrew’s Day by playing or listening to bagpipe music and dancing to Scottish music. The day following St Andrew’s Day marks the first day of Advent on 1 December.

A young woman or girl should pray on the night of the 29 November to be married. They would look for a sign about their future husband on the 30 November. One such sign would be to throw a shoe at the door of her parents house. If the toe pointed to the house she would be staying there another year. If it pointed away from the home she would be leaving to be wed within the year and live with her spouse. Another old custom from Saint Andrew Day is that a young woman should try and peel an apple in one go. This peel would then form the initial name of her intended.

There is no specific food that should be eaten on St Andrews Day, though some enjoy cock-a-leekie soup as a started and a main course of haggis whilst others eat fish because Saint Andrew was a fisherman.

A modern day custom on Saint Andrews day is free admission to Scottish Castles that are maintained by Historic Scotland. These include free entry to Edinburgh Castle, St Andrews Castle and St Andrews Cathedral today to celebrate St Andrews Day.