Tag Archive | pagans

Why growing up in a church home can really hurt – part 1

I’ve been thinking a lot about Orlando and about how so many pastors condemned the dead and not the shooter. It brought back a lot of bad memories of growing up in church and hiding for all the years before I came out and had to leave the church or rather, they left me.

I was raised in the largest Presbyterian church in the US at the time. We always had a minimum of 5 pastors, an executive pastor, an asst, a pastor that did hospital visits, a youth pastor, a college pastor and we also had Christian ED heads, usually the only woman on the executive staff and a Minister of Music. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Presbyterian_Church_of_Hollywood

There were a multitude of choirs and we were world famous for the one that ranked the highest. I started in Carol Choir and moved up to the all girl Lyric choir in Junior high, I was also in a special choir that sang at Junior Church, Wylie Chapel Choir during second service which was supposed to be an honour to be asked to be in but most of us were choir brats whose parents were in the main choir, The Cathedral choir. There was also a High School choir and a choir that was a mix of people not good enough to be in Cathedral Choir and college kids that I skipped called the Chancel Choir and got into Cathedral Choir after High School and I was in the Sunday night choir called the Happening, (hey it was the 70s.) and we got to sing more modern music. We also had a bell choir for each age group and I was in those along with my brother and eventually my sister.

We started Sunday School at 2 years of age and started learning the Bible and memorizing to for awards, a Bible in third grade, filling up shields with memorized passages, (they were shields because they represented the armour of God). This why the holy rollers and Bible beaters can’t get far with me because I usually know the Bible better than they do. I was in Church every Sunday and at Bible Study during the week when I was older. We took catechism in 7th grade to become members of the church and that was the first big time I was aware that maybe I didn’t fit in. I had feelings before this about it. I had difficulty memorizing and Saturday nights before I had to recite some new thing were absolute torture, if I couldn’t sing it I had real trouble remembering  it. I felt really bad about it. I was told I wasn’t trying hard enough.

The year I joined the church I had to make some decisions. At the time I was dad’s punching bag when he got mad and I decided to tell the Elder that interviewed us to join about it and I did and I was told to honour my father and mother in all things. So I made my first act of rebellion. I refused to get baptized when I joined the church. Presbyterians dedicate their babies to raise them in the church and you are supposed to be baptized when you join the church. I told my parents it was because I didn’t want to get up in front of the church which shouldn’t have made any sense since we had to be in the front of the church to join and I was in front all the time when I was in choir and when I did other things but they bought it, even though my best friend was doing it.

My Dad was Head Usher, he was an Elder, he had been a Deacon. He had status in church and I did not. My mom was in Cathedral Choir, and was at one point, President of the Women’s Auxillary, She was President of Elder’s Wives and when women were allowed to be Deacons and Elders she became a Deacon. Wives and husbands couldn’t be Elders or Deacons at the same time. They were in their adult Sunday School classes. Mom was also the Executive Secretary for the Minister of Music. She had status.

We were in church at least 3 days a week, usually more. The only respite I got was summer when I was with my grandparents who for some reason did not go in the summer. That was when we took trips to be in nature. That was when I became a sponge to what my grandmother was teaching about nature and faeries and family stories. That was when I was free.

About 7th grade I became aware that I liked girls way more than the girls around me who liked boys. So not only did what they were teaching in church make me in uncomfortable but the only kind of church I felt at home in was when we went to camp.

They sent us to some conference where the minister yelled about the evils of holding hands and kissing boys and I felt relieved because I had no desire to do it anyway.

I would sit in Sunday School and make up questions to ask my Sunday School teachers. Miss Pringle was our 7th grade Sunday School teacher. She was older than God and had no business teaching a bunch of 12 year olds in the late 1960s. We were smarter than her and we knew it. I remember asking why is was okay for Mary to be an unwed mother and not us? She freaked out at the question and scolded all of us. This was on my mind because my mother has started going on about being an unwed mother and that it would be the worst thing in the world if I did that. Since I didn’t like boys, I found it amusing.

But I was feeling more and more alienated and out of place and the feeling only grew as I got older. No one ever told me there was such a thing as lesbians and this was pre-Stonewall. I only ever heard about gay men and how it was so sad about them being “HOMOSEXUALS” even though I could see Jim in my mom’s choir was anything but sad and I loved him because he was always encouraging me to try new things like design needlework patterns. He loved to needlepoint and at the time I did a lot of it too.

If you are homophobic – please take your ass somewhere else!

Just a not too friendly FYI: If you are homophobic, please do not follow me. I don’t need followers that badly that I need bigots and hate mongers. So GO AWAY!

There is absolutely no good reason for homophobia except for the prejudice. I repeat there is no justifiable reason for fear of gays and lesbians except that you are a regressive, troglodyte, especially if you call yourself a pagan. I do know some big name pagans that are but there is no excuse for it other than they are idiots. (I know they are because these particular BNP’s have said it to my face.)

So if you are anti gay in anyway, lesbiphobic or any other variety of hater of people who are different from your heterosexual self. Get lost! I mean it.

I’m quite clear on my About page. I’m a lesbian. I’m a dyke. I’m a pagan. I’m a Druid. I’m Wiccan. If any of those is not your cup of tea. Please leave! I know I have evangelical followers because I read all your About pages about how much you love your Jesus. Not a fan of the zombie Jesus so why an evangelical would follow me I have no clue. Most of the Christians that I know as friends who follow me are open-minded loving Christians not of the evangelical variety and I love them dearly and most of them, hopefully know that I respect them greatly. Quite, frankly, most of the people I know who have to go around telling people about Jesus are the least Christian of the White Christ’s followers. I have no clue why they go where they know they aren’t wanted. Like the idiots who ring the doorbuzzer at 7 on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Or the asshats at the bus stop who harass people until they can escape on a bus, any bus, going anywhere.

Do you seriously think that anyone can live in the US and not know about your Jesus? Are you really that stupid?

Anyway, sorry for the blast. My tooth broke and I can’t get into the dentist until Thursday. But as far as the homophobes who “I’m following You” email contains the homophobic bullshit. Please leave. I mean you, Aquarianmist. I don’t need a bigot for a follower.

And a point of education. Human beings are animals and mammals and are just one of the many animals that exhibit same sex relationships. It is not an “unnatural state” . It exists in nature and we are born this way. There is a colony of lesbian seagull off the coast here in California on Anancapa Island for one example. We’ve had gay people traceable on my family tree that we know of to the mid 1800’s and so I think it must go much farther back and my gay siblings and I did not know this before we came out, only after my brother and I came out independently of each other. So go be your asshat self somewhere else.


and PS: Most people that are rabidly homophobic are afraid they are gay themselves and need to just come out and deal with it.





A Neopagan Celebrity Tarot (Part 1)


I don’t agree with some of these but the heat is making me cranky.

The 7 gifts of druidry for kids

Druidry teaches about the 7 Gifts of Druidry but how do you relate those gifts to children? And I don’t mean bring it down to their level because there is no down to it. How do we explain what we believe and what we value about life to those who we have charge of however temporarily in this life. And remember they are teaching you at the same time.

The first gift is Philosophy. Teaching kids the sacredness of all life is the main tenet of Druidry. No matter how large we grow or where we are, we are part of the great web of life. What you do in one place can effect something far, far away. If you drop something plastic like a balloon in a storm drain 30 miles from the ocean, it is going to end up hurting some animal in the sea that thinks its food when the next rain washes it to the ocean. If you use too much water to brush your teeth ,will someone else have enough to water their crops? If you kill all the aphids with poison on your plants what will the Ladybugs eat? And what will the bird eat that would have eaten the ladybug. What will the hawk eat that would have eaten the bird?

We are all part of a chain that connects every living being.

The second gift is to put us in touch with nature. This means actually going outside in all kinds of weather and at all time of the day and night. Who is awake in the morning and who is awake at night? Is it cooler where trees grow? Why is it warmer at noon? What is good to eat and what will hurt us? Can you be quiet enough to see the bunny that lives in the brush? Can you look at a cloud and know if it’s a rain cloud? What direction does the wind come from and what did it bring with it?

Do you know ALL your neighbors including the ones that aren’t human?

The third gift is Healing. How are we healthy and how do we heal ourselves and others. Is healing always to keep something alive or is death a part of life too? And how do we live with that acceptance. Learning to let go is part of healing too, whether it’s a pet or a relative.

How do we stay healthy with food and exercise? Do we know herbs that are good for making things better such as aloe on a sunburn or chamomile tea when we can’t go to sleep.

The fourth gift is that life is a journey with many steps. We can go to a sibling’s wiccaning/blessing. We can dedicate ourselves to a deity that calls to us. If we are girls we can celebrate our first bloods or boys can celebrate their growth. The ancient Irish had an age where they could be trusted to make good decisions. We can celebrate steps in maturity. We can celebrate the 8 sabbats and the moon’s passage through the sky and we can teach that life is a spiral not a linear line with a finishing line. That life is a journey not to finish but to enjoy the journey.

The fifth gift is other realities. We know we are not alone and that there are many worlds, seen and unseen. To see them we can learn meditation, we can visualize them. We can start with pretend and go to what we can’t see but know is there. We can leave gifts for the Fae and honour our ancestors.

The sixth gift is Potential – How do we grow to be the best we can be? What do we want to be when we grow up? Do we want to grow up? What do we need to learn to make the most of our gifts? And how do we give back while we are learning?

The seventh gift is Magic. How are we ALIVE? What is magic? Is magic how a seed knows how to grow and become food or flowers. Is magic a spell to change what we need to change about ourselves? Is magic the love we feel for our families, pets and friends? Is magic how we look at life? Do you live a magical life or are you a mundane Muggle?

The 7 gifts come from OBOD – OBOD – The Order of Ovates, Bards and Druids


Lets have some common sense – Shall we?

I have been watching the whole pop culture debate while I have had more important things like my Hierophant dying and having my job end but it has gotten so silly I have to say something. Does any one in the pagan community, as such have any common sense?


There have always been pop culture elements in pagan practices from ancient times. Homer was the pop culture of his day and he had super heroes like Achilles and Ajax. There was also Hercules. Those were the super heroes of their day and people did pay homage to them.


The Scandinavians have the Eddas or sagas and they are filled with the deeds of super heroes of their times.


The Gaels have CuChulainn and Fionn Mac Cumhaill for their super heroes.


In more modern times, the Church of All Worlds was founded on a Heinlein book and many Dianics found the Goddess in the pages of the Mists of Avalon. Some pagans came from D&D. There has been Klingon Wicca for over 20 years and Jedi since the Star Wars movies came out. Stargate got a lot of people energized over the Ancient Egyptians. Zhann could be the Green Lady even though she is blue from Farscape.


So getting your panties in a bunch over of Marvel comic super heroes is stupid and  just another step or pathway on someone else’s journey and who are you to judge? A lot of people in this world worship a 2000 year old zombie and they judge us? So why are you denying a path from your oh so superior view point when some one can easily deny yours for the same reasons?