Tag Archive | musings

Cranky pants rides again

Weird fact, the person who had my seat at work died of cervical cancer and then they gave me her seat when I was made permanent. If I was superstitious I wouldn’t want to be the next person in my seat.

I don’t ever remember a winter this cold, this early. If it gets cold here I usually isn’t until late January or February. December is usually warm until New Year’s day. We often get rain that last week and snow on the mountains behind us but not freezing temps. I’ve stayed out on the Rose Parade route many years and just wore a light coat or a sweatshirt. It’s literally been below freezing this week. It was 30 degrees at 7 am yesterday morning. If it gets to 30 degrees it’s sometime late in the wee hours and has warmed up by 7 am. Today it was only 40 degrees and I looked around the bus and the whole bus was wearing beanies and stocking caps and some had their hoods up over that. I’ve never seen that before, ever.

My sister and I had to scour the house for hats and gloves because we never use them. I ended up ordering a new beanie from Amazon. It’s pretty cool and it’s knit but has a fleece lining. It’s black with red Nordic stitching. Today I added red fleece gloves and a black scarf. 40 degrees is still butt cold and I do mean butt cold because you can’t sit on the stone bus benches or you get a really cold butt.


I’ve been having a battle with my eye doctor’s office which soon will not be my eye doctor’s office if I have anything to do with it. About 10 days ago I lost the left lens in my glasses. Good thing it was my good farsighted eye or I’d be blind without my glasses. So when my eye doctor opened last Monday I requested the prescription for my lens so I could go over to Lenscrafters and have it made. They didn’t bother to respond to me until yesterday and I had left at least 2 messages a day or spoken to the receptionist every day including when they closed Christmas Eve so they get a pass for that day but they had 3 days they could have responded to me and didn’t. It’s not like I was asking for my full medical record just a prescription that if they are computerized as the ACA act requires should have been quickly accessible. I got home to a message last night that it was time for my next appt. What part of I’m running around looking like a dork with no lens in my glasses is so terribly hard to understand and the fact that I can’t see??? I do not have time while they find sometime next month to see me and they are notorious for making you wait a minimum of an hour in their waiting room. They are also the only one of my doctor’s that doesn’t have a patient portal and you can’t access them by their website. So 20th century and not okay anymore. So I’m being evil. I left yet another bad review for them on Yelp. I filed a grievance with my employer who just also happens to be my healthcare carrier and I filed one with the IPA.

I give up, they finally sent it and the file is corrupted so I had to ask for them to send it again. I’m so done with these people.

I’m a regular cranky pants today.


Trying to remember to breathe…


And then kill


We in the US need to grow up and stop living in a pink cloud and other odd bits

“There’s good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for. “ Samwise Gamgee

When bad things happen that quote always comes to mind for me. Mr Rogers was right. Look for the people who are helping. If you dwell on the bad you will be dragged down and won’t be any good for anyone. Find a way to deal with the horrid, I write or do something creative even if I think it sucks when I’m done. I would not recommend cooking however because dumping negativity in food is never good.

A lot of blogs today are really depressed about yesterday and bemoaning that they don’t feel safe here in the US with school shootings and bombs and I would like to remind people of some things.

News only reports the bad things. It only reports things that are news. Because news is the unusual or the uncommon, If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be news. It would be every day and not news worthy. So when you hear about school shootings or bombs it’s because most of the rest of the US is safe and that most people are good and law abiding or just too lazy to do things like a school shooting or a bombing.

And point two, people in the US are spoiled. We think we’re above that sort of thing. We aren’t, and the rest of the world has had to learn to live with it. I remember visiting the UK in the early 80’s and being warned about the IRA. Pakistan and Afghanistan live with it every day, and so do a lot of other places. We are spoiled. We are not above it. We are the same as everyone else and it’s about time we learned and accepted that and stopped behaving like spoiled children who bad things aren’t supposed to happen to. It does. We have had a false sense of security for far too long and the world has gotten a lot smaller. And I wouldn’t be surprised if this was home grown terrorists and not some scary foreigner. The more we believe things like Faux News and let things like red state v blue state and the big scary federal government go on the more likely home grown terrorism is. We need to deal with the problems here of not being able to get along before we throw stones overseas.


Today has been a weird day. The job I have wanted so badly just opened up but it means that someone who I really like is going to another dept. Now I just have to get through the application process and the interview.


I’m alone in my cubicle and today I’m wearing my hair in French braids and the ends are tucked up under a barrette because they are too short to wind around yet, Someone non-corporeal just ran their hand across the ends. I’m having a quiet freak out. There is no one within 20 feet of me. Cue the twilight zone music.


Last night’s wind was hellacious as is the damage all over. I was supposed to go to the free day at the Huntington Library and they had to close it because of wind damage. They closed the LA Arboretum too. They posted pictures awhile ago on line and it looks like a bomb went off there. https://picasaweb.google.com/113162753442217136570/LACountyArboretumBotanicGardenWindDamage1212011?authuser=0&feat=directlink&gsessionid=AFFSjHfNuiMzhE5MSqLTTA#

The cat takes the wind personally and has decided the camelia outside the window is the enemy so she gets up on the window sill and tries to kill it with her mighty paws of death. She finds it offensive if we laugh.

I drove The Rogue to work today because the wind was too strong to ride her bike and I’m glad I did because a tree was down on the bike path. She might have been riding under it when it fell. I didn’t see it on the way but it was there on the way home. Don’t know if it was too dark on the way or it came down in the space of that 15 minutes. Another had fallen when I went back to get her when she got off.

This is the kind of weather when I look like the Scottish and Swedish travel posters from when I was a kid. All full of rosy cheeked children that look healthy but are really just chapped from having fair skin. You start to live in the Land of Itch.

It’s supposed to be windy through Saturday up here. Hope it isn’t at the Faire. It’s murder when the wind blows the tents around. And I really don’t want to read in a wind tunnel. It’s also supposed to be in the thirties tomorrow morning and Saturday. Brrrr.

I’m just glad they trimmed the palm trees earlier this month because driving over palm fronds can pop your tires. They have huge thorns on the frond’s base.

Just found out Descanso is closed today too.

We don’t have snow days here. We have wind and earthquake days. The guy at JPL said 1997 was worse. I remember hiding in my Pasadena Apt for that one. It sounded like we were headed for OZ at any moment.

I love wind. I’m a double Gemini, sun and moon, but it really is enough.


Got hooked entering books in librarything.com over the weekend. It’s like goodreads.com but goodreads is for books you’ve read and librarything is more for catalogueing the books you own. It has a nifty bar code scanner but the problem is I have a lot of books pre-UPC and ISBN coding. Some books so old they have no copyright date. This could take awhile. I only got 200 books listed yesterday and that was only a few shelves. We have bookcases that are over 8 feet tall and crammed double with books. Did I say it would take awhile?

I’m glad we no longer have the thousands of cookbooks my mom and grandmother collected for fun. Rarely used them but the collected them. When Grandma died she had over 500 just by her self. We did keep things like the White House cookbook from early in the last century but we got rid of most of them. The only ones my mom used with great regularity were Joy of Cooking, Better Homes and Gardens and Betty Crocker. Otherwise she used her recipe files on 3×5 cards.


This has been the prettiest and most vibrantly coloured fall I ever remember. It’s also been the coldest I can ever remember which why the trees are so pretty. I wouldn’t mind a little Southern California warm right about now but it’s supposed to rain again on Thanksgiving. We weren’t going to have a Thanksgiving but a friend is having me work for her for a couple of days so we got to be able to get our turkey breast. Neither of us like dark meat so a breast is just perfect for 2 people and any left over goes for sandwichs. Yum! As long as we have some of Ali’s mashed potatoes and turkey that’s enough for me to be thankful for.


I was doing all the recipes and got curious about Swedish cuisine and looked it up on Wikipedia. Pretty funny because for all our family’s always talking about the Scots we were fed a Swedish diet. Most of which I don’t mind except for the coffee. Did you know the Swedes are the 2nd largest consumer of milk with meals? Or consumer period? The Finns are number one. That explains why we always had milk with every meal. I could never figure out why my friends had water or soda which we weren’t allowed except for a treat at a restaurant. No Kool Aid either. We could have fresh lemonade and ice tea.

Also explains the pastries and the fish all the time.

Musings and thanks

The cookie juggernaut rolls on. I almost have enough for a cook book of my own. When my great- grandparents moved the family to Los Angeles in 1901 they opened up their bakery on Vermont Ave. Someday I’m going to have to look for where it was if I can find the address.

5000 blog posts is a lot. I started this because Cam thought it was a good way for me to keep in touch while he was in cancer treatment. At the time he thought he’d get better and he thought I could meet the people he loved and met while journaling and he remembered I liked to write and he liked my stories.

He didn’t make it and this became my grief counseling outlet. I have met a lot of people in these crazy screeds that I adore. Some I have even met in person now if I didn’t meet them at Cam’s funeral. I am so grateful for him bugging me until I did it.

As I’ve written more and more people have joined me here on my sometimes crabby but mostly hopeful path through my life. You are so welcome!

You have given me much joy, and let me share your lives with you. You’ve given me your best thoughtful feedback. You’ve helped me through more rough spots than you know. I’ve learned more about bear/otter and cub subculture than a lesbian should ever know especially on Fur Friday. LOL!

You’ve read my stories and asked for more and let this writer know when she was on the right track and when I needed to do some editing.

Every one of you is part of my family constellation and my chosen family and I thank you so very, very much for listening. You have no idea how wonderful you are to me.

Missing genes

I was definitely born without some basic girl genes, specifically the mirror gene and the need to go to bathroom in a roving band of women.

I just went into the bathroom and there was a woman staring intensely at herself in the mirror mostly at her ass. I went in and did what I needed to do and when I was washing my hands she came out of her stall and then proceeded to do another thorough inspection of everything in the mirror. What exactly did she think happened in those few minutes? I’m happy to look down and not be trailing toilet paper off my shoe.

I don’t understand the whole mirror staring thing. I consult the mirror to make sure nothing untoward has happened in the night to my face, comb my hair and make sure I haven’t suddenly grown some menopausal beard hairs during the night but I have no desire to spend long minutes consulting my ass in my jeans. Nothing much to see there anyway, I was born without the junk in the trunk gene too.

I don’t have the gene that compels ordinarily self-sufficient women to go to the rest room in a pod. I do not wish most of the time to have a great conversation in the rest room. I have no desire to share bodily function noises with my friends.

I had a Rec professor at CSUN that used to make fun of the women that went in pods when we were on outings or trips and he would turn to me, usually the lone woman left and ask what was wrong with me. I always told him I had no need to go so why should I and that I was missing that gene and he would laugh. I really had no need to go hang out near a port a potty or bif in the woods. Camp was different. It might be the only time you could talk all day or they were the ones you borrowed the flashlight from. I used to watch it happen at camp when you had to go with a buddy but some women take it to the extreme and go in groups of 40 or more, I swear.

The other bathroom habit I can not fathom and one that gets me hot under the collar when I do need to go, is women who are teeny tiny people and insist on using the handicapped stall when there is nothing wrong with them and their feet don’t reach the floor. Why are you using the seat that is at least 2 inches higher than the normal can when you are not handicapped??? If I haven’t waited to the last minute and am not desperate, I will wait at the door for them to leave and make them scurry away but there they are the next time? Why???!!!

OMG I have to call on a doctor whose first name is Phuc. This will not be phun!

musings for a Wodinsday

I was royally sick this morning because I was royally stupid. I take doxicycline because of my rosacea and I know better than to take it on an empty stomach and before I could stop my hand this morning I took it instead of putting it in my pocket until after I had something in my stomach at work like I normally do. I think it was 5 minutes before the porcelain goddess got me as her obedient servant. So when lunch came around I wanted something sturdy but calming in my stomach or soup. I thought about going to Whole Foods but I didn’t feel like driving. They serve breakfast all day and I was thinking maybe a scrambled egg and a biscuit but I decided to go to Quizno’s. I only eat out once a week and today is payday and treat day and turkey sounded good. I’ve never been in a Quizno’s before. I know, I know but I’m not that big of a sub fan and I’ve never worked close to one before. So I went and was surprised to find I liked it. I order everything plain because I hate mayo and only in Britain can you ever get butter on a sandwich. So I got the turkey ranch, swiss, plain and toasted on small, white roll and was pleasantly surprised to find out it was good. Made my abused tummy feel a lot better after the collywobbles attack. I was also glad that they had un-sullied ice tea. No icky fruit flavouring and no sweeteners of any kind, plain honest tea. Me likee and it was cheaper than the Panera down the street which was my original thought for lunch.

 The fact that they have bendy straws cracks me up. This is an adult lunch place, I think.

 I still wish I had gone to Whole Foods because I love that market even to just window shop. I hope, I get hired at this job (no call for an interview yet) so I can shop some place besides Target and the 99 cent store and Kroger brands. I noticed on their website that they are coming soon to South Glasgow and London. Go, if you have the chance when they open there, UK people. They have great stuff that is actually good for you and organic, gluten free, vegan if you like and free range and all of that including every cheese known to man.

 They also have the best damn cheese puffs made with cheddar and blue cheese. I think they are called cheese doodles on the right coast. West coast we call them cheese puffs and if I have to choose a junk food they are number one on my hit parade. Frito-lay’s for some reason burn the roof of my mouth now and I have no idea why. They never used to do that and I mean the normal ones not the one labeled flaming. Before I got laid off I made a scientific study of all the different kinds of cheese puffs at Whole Foods, I think there were 8 at the time. I think it ended up between Barbara’s and the Whole Foods brand.  If I ever win the lottery after I’ve paid the bills and everyone back and given to cancer and AIDS charities, bought new underwear, stashed a lot away and bought my wish list on Amazon, I’m going on a buying spree at the 2 story Whole Foods in Pasadena.  Then I’m going to go home and write while eating cheese puffs and then walking it off so I’m not any bigger, Lost too much weight to go back now.

I’m still on a high from our ritual and walk on Sunday. Happy, happy , happy and for some reason part of what made it good was that it was a stealth ritual in a public place. For some reason that part makes my little pirate heart happy. We were in plain sight and no one saw us. That is just very, very cool and even for a group of talented magical people hard to do sometimes. I love ‘no see me’ spells.

  This cracks me up: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/04/nasa-space-shuttle-endeavor-los-angeles-texas-ohio.html

All these senators up in arms and saying LA has no right to the space shuttle, yeah right. What part of it was made in Los Angeles do they not get? One of my old students designed the toilets and an ex of mine helped design the wings. Both at Boeing. Yeah, Los Angeles made a pale contribution to the program.


Musings on a Sunday

I’m supposed to be performing our Bard Ordination right now but instead I’m at home with a case of some kind of intestinal distress and it’s pouring rain and windy and occasionally thundery so I guess we’ll do it next Sunday out at the Refuge. I’ve spent a couple of weeks planning it, I guess I can refine it a bit more.

I’ve written several posts this week just haven’t liked them enough to post or was just too tired when I got home from work. I still may post them if I re-read them and like them.

One was about last Friday morning. Every morning that I get up and get dressed to go out I have a sort of ritual about choosing what jewelry I’m going to put on. I have a quiet meditation time and choose what seems to be the right thing to wear. Last Friday before I knew about the earthquake I chose one of my Kwan Yins to wear. I then came down to a text message from Alison to turn on the news and watch the earthquake coverage from Japan. Why is that a bit odd? Kwan Yin among other things is a Japanese goddess of healing and compassion. Kind of made my hair stand on end a bit.

Kwan Yin or Quan Yin or any of number of spellings is a goddess or in some places a Bodhisattva who stayed on earth to relieve people’s suffering. Can’t be an easy job right now, I imagine.

It’s absolutely bucketing right now outside and Alison says its supposed to get harder and go sideways later on. I have to go out and do a load of laundry. If I didn’t know better I would say it was sabotage. I have a childhood friend who is on a campaign at the moment to reconvert me so she doesn’t have to worry about me going to heaven with her. This is all a bit odd since she has converted to some kind of hyper religious Catholicism and she was raised with a Presbyterian minister for a dad. Her mom was my mom’s best friend and they rode to choir together every Thursday night for over thirty years and Karin as become this weird anti-abortion crusader. She is in the process of leaving her husband for the gazillionth time for being addicted to porn and having affairs so I guess he needs a focus. I just don’t want it to be Alison and me. And to cap it off her older brother who lives in Europe sends her books on the divine feminine and the Goddess. I’d LOVE to have a chat with Eric right now about her.

Their family used to bring out the Swedish in Mom because they still spoke it at home and used a lot of Swedish customs. Too bad the broadmindness of most Swedes didn’t rub off on Karin. The Vikings brought a lot of new ideas home that while being Lutheran often made them think bigger than some of the other countries around them. You don’t hear about many Swedish witch burnings.

Anyway, Karin has invited me out every single weekend that has been a pagan high holiday since she found out I was pagan. Every six weeks she ramps up and she wanted me to go out with her last night to a mime show one of my high school class mates does when he isn’t head writer for Sponge Bob Square Pants and I had to tell her no, I was busy. She didn’t like that. People on Kat’s FB page will never have to see her prolife diatribes. I keeping her corralled on my other one. I’m sorry if you are on the other one I have told her to behave but she’s on a mission. Yesterday she posted a comment on Alison’s page to not pay attention to horoscopes to which I commented that pagans considered them a useful tool. I couldn’t resist even though I know a generated horoscope for a sun sign is virtually useless. About as relevant as a fortune cookie most times but still fun.

I got the proofs yesterday for BunniHoTep some I’m going to sit down with a highlighter and go over it and see what I’ve missed. Then maybe I start on one of the other two books so all you Luddites with out a Kindle can add it to your bookshelves. (Tongue firmly in cheek there since I love physical books too.)

And if I’m feeling really creative I’ll write some more chapters on Tamsin.