Archives

Oh Hecate

Hecate

Now is your time

You walk among us as the veil thins

Please be with your Priestesses

Wherever they may be

They are called to ease the loved ones

The ones that are choosing this time

To pass through the veil

Let them know what is needed

Be with their hearts

They are breaking

Be with the ones leaving

Ease open the curtain

Let them pass easily

Surrounded by those that love them

Let them know that love awaits them on the other side

Comfort those left behind.

Stand with them

Hold their broken hearts

Let them know that love lasts

And is not gone

It’s never gone

Only harder to see

Hecate

Be with us at this time

We turn our faces to the veil

It is not our time

Heal our hearts

Let us know peace

Let us know there is no end

Only endless beginnings

Be with us and to the hour of our passing

Be here now,

Grief before someone dies is natural and nothing to be guilty about

What most people never talk about is the grieving you do before someone who is ill dies. I suspect most people feel guilty for grieving before but it’s real and it hurts just as much to watch someone die as after, sometimes more. More, because you feel alone because you don’t want to burden the person who is sick or the other family and friends.

Grief before can feel like a never ending tunnel that is only going to get worse. And it isn’t just the grief, it’s the tasks you are performing too. If you can get yourself into a head space of service it’s wonderful but sometimes you just can’t get there. Watching someone deteriorate before your eyes is hard and the physical things you have to do can make you resentful and grossed out and then you feel guilty for that and the losses mount up.

You think if you have to change one more diaper or change the bed one more time that you are going to run screaming down the hall and you get mad at them and at yourself. If you have to listen to one more delusion from someone in dementia or one more whine, you are just going to yell shut up!

You worry every time they bruise and they bruise at the slightest touch that you have done terrible harm even if the nurse or doctor tells you it just comes with it, you see the spread of purple and red and worry. They will stop eating and you want to try and make them even when told that it is a sign of their loosening of the ties to their physical body. And you go some place like your car and cry or just stare at the sky trying to gather yourself for another round.

I’ve been there now way too many times, now. This is your tax for loving. This is your tax for living and unless you are terribly narcississtic and selfish you do it and you keep on doing it. There is no reward for it except love. You have become a priestess of Hecate and no one asked you if you wanted to be a priestess of Hecate.

Hecate stands at the crossroads and waits for your loved one and you are one of the midwives that will hand your loved one to her. Brighid stand with you too and you are wrapped in her cloak ready to help you heal your heart.

It is natural and human to grieve before. Reach out and grab hands and hearts with people who are there to catch you. You may think you are alone but many people have been there before you and can be a light in the tunnel you see before you. Death is healing as much as any medicine. It is the end of pain for the person you love. It is not the end of your pain unfortunately but it can be shared. Let people help, Let people love you. And know that it is alright to grieve before and to keep going and you don’t have to be strong, you already are because you are there. You are not alone.

 

 

A prayer for Laura

 

FB_IMG_1463954007608

Oh Hecate, Be with us this week
This was a week, 3 years ago that was so hard
You sat with us as we sat with Laura
We watched her pass from our realm to yours
We sang, We prayed, We read to her
We soothed her fears and tried to sooth our own
We loved her in all the ways we could
And we wept.

FB_IMG_1463954037518
Oh Hecate, let her know she was loved
Let her know her name is still spoken
Let her know that her life was written on our hearts
Let her know she helped us grow
She taught us to be priestesses by her being one
She taught us to stay on the path

FB_IMG_1463954069741
She showed us the Goddess and we followed
She showed us courage
She showed us love
She showed us the path
Oh Hecate, I miss her
I miss her ideas
I miss her encouragement
I miss her wild red hair and ever changing streaks
I miss the matching nail polish
But most of all I miss her wisdom and love

FB_IMG_1464020583486

Healing prayer

Holy Ladies, Great Goddesses, Kwan Yin and Brighid

I ask healing from you

I ask your loving touch and graceful waters

To wash away the pain

To wash my wounds

To wash the healing through my mind and body

I thank you for your attendance on me

The candles are ever lit for you in my heart

And the your waters of your world wash around me

Bless all those who send healing

From their hearts, from their hands and from their souls

May they be blessed as they have blessed me.

I know that healing must be participated in as much as it is bestowed from you

And from those who heal in your names.

I allow my body and soul to soak up the energy and heal

I open my self to receiving your love and healing

I open my self to receiving your avatars love and healing

I open myself to healing.

Cancer and my spiritual path

Someone commented somewhere else that they couldn’t understand what a cancer diagnosis had to do with spirituality. Something I became readily aware of that regardless of whether I survive or not, it has everything to do with my spirituality. All three of the Goddesses I’m ordained to are healing  goddesses of some sort because even a goddess associated with death is a healing goddess. I’m inclined to think that my relationship with Brighid, Hecate and Quan Yin is going to become a different relationship than it has been when my health problems were of the chronic sort and not the acute sort.

Depending on whose stats you look at Ovarian cancer has a really bad survival rate some put it as low as 24%. I hope to beat that 24% and raise it but one never knows what cards you are going to draw.  A lot depends on the stage and whether it has spread. It could be attached to my intestines or my bladder or both. Because I have some numbness in my right leg it could be doing nasty things to my spinal nerves and because I have plaques in my lower lung it could have gone travelling there which I guess is quite common according to my obgyn.

They have told me the hospital stay could be from 4-7 days next week. A seven day hospital stay does not sound like any fun to me. I haven’t had a stay that long since my eye operation as a kid and that really wasn’t any fun at all. At least now I can fight back if a nurse hurts me, when I was little I couldn’t even see it coming.

Tonight I’m going to light a 7 day Brighid candle, to start the process. If I’m not too sick next Monday night maybe I’ll post how it went. I might not depending on what the prognosis is and how well I’m processing that information.

I have to say it has made me more attentive to things. The first bird I heard yesterday was a crow, this morning some crazy mockingbird was singing in the rain. And we have our long awaited rain and it’s supposed to stay all week.

So I look up and out and treasure each moment. I treasure all the friends that have said encouraging things here and on Facebook. For some reason at the moment I’m not scared. I probably should be but not having the cancer out is not an option but it’s just a first step.

I wish Laura or Mary had talked more about what they were going through. I wish I knew what they had thought or faced. I know each journey is personal and I’m a pretty private person but maybe I can help someone else in this situation or not.

I did think it’s pretty funny that there are so many men that want to be women right now but will never know the truth about being a woman and owning the parts of a woman that can turn around and kill you. They’ll be women when they can get ovarian, uterine, cervical and have a higher rate of breast cancer, until then, they aren’t women.

A prayer

Hallows winds blow ’round me
Hallows winds protect me
Hallows winds go with me
I take this journey out of love
Be with me as we do difficult things
We travel in love
Carrying with us the blessings
Of sisterhood
We are sending a sister
Into your arms, dear Brighid
Kind Hecate
Healing Quan Yin
Let us be her strength
Let her know she is loved
Let her be calm knowing
She is never alone
She is being born again
in the Summerland
May a new sun shine above her
May a new moon watch over her
May the new stars guide her
Let the loved ones who meet her
Know she was loved to the end
May they greet her with welcoming arms
May they teach her new ways
May she remember us
We will miss her
We have loved her
We have held her spirit
And it is beautiful
May she feel no pain
As she passes from us
May she be healed
In her new body
May she be blessed
Bless us as we hold the space
Bless us as we do hard things
Bless our tears
They are because she is loved
Bless our tears
We will miss her
Bless our tears
And let them cleanse us
Death is a passage
We can’t walk yet
It is not our test yet
So we watch for her
So we protect her
So we love her
Let the wings of Isis enfold her
Let the cloak of Brighid cover her
Let the ways of Elen guide her
So mote it be.

Be with my heart

Hecate

Be with my heart

My heart is hurting at the thought of a coming loss

Be with my heart

It remembers too many past losses

Hecate

My family and friends have left me hehind

I wish them well

They stay in my heart and my memory

Be with my heart

Hecate

Be with my heart

When they appear in dreams

Be with my heart

When a scent on the wind reminds me

Hecate

Be with my heart

I hear a song they loved

Be with my heart

When the fall leaves remind me of your coming harvest

Hecate

Be with my heart

So tied with ribbons of the ones I have loved

Be with my heart

When I see they are behind me… waiting

Hecate

Be with my heart

My time is not now

Be with my heart

And remind me that time begins anew each morning

Hecate

Be with my heart

At yet another crossroads

Be with my heart

As it breaks yet again

Hecate

Be with my heart

Be with our hearts

Be with us now

As we face the dark

Be with my heart