Sunday I woke up and checked my Facebook on the phone and even though it was really early some of my friends were posting – # pray for Orlando. Confused I checked my news app and my heart broke.
Every time I think things may be getting better the bigots escalate the hate.
I’ve been out since 1979 and I delayed because I really didn’t want to be someone people around me like my parents and church said was evil. I finally had to accept that yes I was gay and that I wanted to be my true self and not hide. I was done with hiding. Up to then living at home I had hid a lot of myself. My parents were really good at telling me I was good for nothing and after my grandmother died when I was 17 there was no other voice to contradict them until I left to work at summer camp in 1975.
Summer camp freed me to be me. To choose who I was and to do the things I was learning to do. One of the things that I learned pretty quickly was that I had to accept that the people I fell in love with were women. I made some mistakes that way and fell in love with people who were never going to love me because they weren’t bent that way. But later I did fall in love and it was returned at least for awhile, and by then it was clear, I was going to come out so I did.
My first public events were the parades here in LA marching with PCC’s GLSU and I met hate that wasn’t from people I knew. People yelled evil things at us as we marched, their faces almost black with hatred. On parade one man was so enraged he tried to hit one of the guys with us and a sherriff stepped in and said he was going to arrest the pseudo Christians for inciting a riot. The pseudo Christians were further infuriated when the mounted police showed up and made them leave. If looks could kill we would have been dead in the street. Why? Because we loved outside their tiny boundaries in their brains.
I remember going to the first OC pride fest and someone tacked the entire parking lot. And because I have a very white baby face , the very white Christians that tried the block the entrance to the venue assumed I was there to join them. So I started to walk up to them and then I kissed the friend I was with. Soooo not what they wanted. More hate.
I’ve been yelled at outside lesbian bars and the dyke picnic. I’ve been screamed at on a street corner by a car of men and had to run. We were yelled at with slurs at the Rose Parade when all we were doing was sitting together.
I was harassed and almost fired on one job and on another job, every lesbian in the company was let go the same day including a manager and a director. I was the only one that didn’t join the lawsuit and the women were furious with me but they lost big time to the huge insurance company. They had made it clear that the company only liked white men and all the gay guys never said a thing. The lesbians who sued had to pay all the court costs and legal fees because one piece of paperwork hadn’t been filed correctly it was dismissed with prejudice.
And some many more times evil things have happened because I was an out lesbian. My parents lost friends at church because Cam and I came out. People I had known all my life said that my parents hadn’t raised us right or we wouldn’t have been gay.
I had a boss that when I worked for the state ordered me not to do the AIDS walk because even though he knew I was a lesbian he was sure I was going to get carried away and sleep with some gay man and he said it in front of about 10 other employees who couldn’t believe it.
If you are gay, you are gay. A lesbian is not attracted to men, period any more than a gay man would be attracted to a woman. Bi people do fall in love with both and that’s fine and it makes it more easy to pass through this world and sometimes they don’t understand the absolute revulsion that gay people have for the opposite sex. That lack of understanding is part of what’s causing problems in the pagan community now and why they are on the attack against people like Ruth and Z.
I don’t want to sit in circle the majority of the time with men. A lot of them do not have the compatible energy that a group of women born women have. Trans women feel like men in circle and they try to dominate sometimes unconsciously, sometimes not. A lot of women will never feel “in perfect love and perfect trust” with male energy in circle. And we should be allowed to exist.
Lesbians are being erased. The Butch dykes that were at Stonewall like Stormie are being claimed as transmen. They weren’t. Butches, especially young butches are being told they aren’t lesbians, they are really men. It’s not right.
Those of us that are 2nd wave feminists that fought to say a woman could do anything she was able to do are being told gender is immutable instead of the societally dependent construct it is. I am not a man if I can use power tools. I am not a man because I got degrees in science. I am a woman who loves women and can do any damn thing I’m capable of doing. There is no such thing as gender but there sure as hell is sexuality and sexual orientation.
I’m so tired of fighting people on something that is none of their business. Why is it a problem who I choose to love? Jesus never said a damn thing about gay people and they sure as hell existed in that time period. The Romans and the Greeks never hid it.
I’m a lesbian and I stand with Orlando