Archive | August 12, 2019

I’m not saying I’m back but…

In January 2018 I fell and gave myself a traumatic brain injury, followed by a stroke in June of that year, a traumatic stroke not an ischemic one and I can already tell just typing this out is going to be fun, NOT!

Since then I’ve been trying to put my brain back together again and I’m finally facing the fact that some things just are not going to come back. I’ve lost a huge hunk of memory, including words for thing I know I know. I can see it in my head but I can’t find the word in the database. This leads to a weird hand flap as if I’m going through a mental rolodex. Sometimes it actually works and sometimes it doesn’t. Some people feel compelled to help me find the word which sometimes helps but if they aren’t following my random thought patterns can be annoying.

I get annoyed easily and frustrated with myself and having fallen once since then have developed a fear of falling again. My sister wants me to get a rollator but not sure I’m ready to admit defeat yet. I did buy a quad cane to go with my cane collection but haven’t used it yet. (by the way if you don’t like the old lady canes at the drugstore, look up Bfunky canes. They were started by veterans that wanted something different and have now expanded into all sorts of designs. I have a Celtic knotwork one, one with a Tolkein quote and the quad cane has my totem owls on it. So much better than generic and musch easier to spot)

I get tired more easily and I have a lot of trouble with impulse control. Andn if I manage to stop the impulse for a while it can come back 10 times stronger when it comes back around and I have to act on it in some fashion which explains why I have 3 bags of Munchos after ignoring it for a week. Haven’t eaten them just needed to get them and if someone tells me “no” it can go in a boil until the middle of the night. Not a good time to be sending out notes. Also not helped by constant insomnia unless I manage to wear myself out.

I seem to have lost my creative urge at the moment for writing. I’m hoping that comes back. I miss it. This is the first thing I’ve managed to write except for a prayer. I’m hoping going to camp will open the sluice again. At least I’d have something useful or more useful that a game score. I will say gaming has helped my attention span at least a little. I still have the attention span of a gnat.

Anyway, something is down on the page and you have a progress report even if I spent half of this backspacing