Yesterday was the day from hell for me and I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep because I feel like crap. The whole day was like being stuck in Mercury retrograde hell.
First I locked my keys in the car so at lunch I called AAA to get them out. I’m not supposed to exert myself too much, yeah, right. There used to be a security speaker that you could push the button on and they could get the gate open. While I was off they removed it. We have an enormous parking lot almost as big as the mall across the street and the disabled parking is smack dab in the middle of the lot. I had to go with my cane to the gate to let him in. Way to trip the pain trigger for the rest of the day. The good thing was since I did it after lunch he was there and done in 10 minutes.
I lodged a complaint with the building that this was not exactly the way you want to treat your workers who have disablity and they said I should have gone to the blue security column which is also not near where I was. TABS just don’t get it.
Then someone complained to the boss that I was speaking too loudly. I guess they forgot in the almost 9 weeks I was gone I was going deaf. Followed by someone complaining I should be on the phones because obviously I’m not that deaf. I know who both complainants were. One of them doesn’t really believe anyone is disabled and we are all just slackers and that the weeks I was off having my tumour removed were a vacation. She also doesn’t like that I’m wearing leggings because I can’t wear pants at the moment because they are painful. Someday she won’t be a TAB and hopefully she will catch a clue.
I have Meniere’s disease just like my dad did I was diagnosed in 1986 and probably should be completely deaf by now but I have been vigilant about keeping fluid out of my ears. You grow deaf as the cilia in your inner ear die from exposure to fluid. And you can’t use hearing aids because it makes everything loud and the problem with Meniere’s is you can lose the ability to tell background from foreground. So if it is quiet and not having an episode I can hear but when people are talking in the background and the printer is running I’m sitting in a noise pool and hearing nothing no matter how I try. So I read a lot of lips if I can. I hate mumblers. Ironically, I got home from work and my sister said I was talking too loud.
http://www.dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/menieres/menieres.html, in case you are interesred.
Then my car computer decided to turn my engine off while driving home. It always restarts but meanwhile you are terrified you are going to get hit. This is evidently a common problem with PT Cruisers and I’ve already had it fixed once. I have no clue why the government does do a recall but they really need to. By the time I got home I was in a lot of paid and I had taken 800mg of ibuprofen 2 hours before I should have and it wasn’t working. Yesterday just sucked.
Today, I need to do laundry and pack because tomorrow is Mary’s Memorial and Sunday is the 40th anniversary of FOI and several So Cal Iseums, groves and Lyceums are having a joint celebration and ritual at the UU in Long Beach. I really just want to crawl into bed.
Since my surgery, I’m having trouble connecting to my spiritual side, usually when going through some sort of traumatic event, I’m very connected. I’m also having trouble adjusting to the idea I don’t have cancer after living with the idea I had it for 3 months especially since I’m still healing and in pain. The brain is just not accepting everything is going to be alright. I feel like I can’t relax and everyone is telling me how wonderful it is. I just don’t feel wonderful after living over a year and half in fear. Fear is hard to drop and that damn black dog won’t go away.
So it is it intuition that something is still wrong or have I just been in hyperdrive for so long it’s hard to break free.
Also losing my ovaries and the last of my female internal plumbing is doing a number on my head. My hysterectomy didn’t bother me this much even when some idiot Dianics at one of Z. retreats tried to ban all the women who had hysterectomies because they let Western medicine take care of their bodies and therefore were no longer wome. Yes Dianics can be just as stupid as other people. Someone who will remain nameless said I might as well be trans now, uh no. I still have boobs and two XX chomosomes.
We went and got to more gnomes for the garden on Wednesday night. I thought focusing on my patch of earth would help. They both light up. They’re solar one has a globe that glows yellow and one had a bright blue glowing gardening tool. Both are very magical. I need to get some plants too and get my hands in the dirt if I can bend without hurting myself.
Tomorrow I have to sing Epona’s Creed at the memorial and mean it. Even if it’s just for Mary. Sunday, I reading a BunniHoTep story for the Iseum of BunniHotep. Still have no clue which one.
Now it’s time for Ibuprofen for breakfast.