Cancer and my spiritual path

Someone commented somewhere else that they couldn’t understand what a cancer diagnosis had to do with spirituality. Something I became readily aware of that regardless of whether I survive or not, it has everything to do with my spirituality. All three of the Goddesses I’m ordained to are healing  goddesses of some sort because even a goddess associated with death is a healing goddess. I’m inclined to think that my relationship with Brighid, Hecate and Quan Yin is going to become a different relationship than it has been when my health problems were of the chronic sort and not the acute sort.

Depending on whose stats you look at Ovarian cancer has a really bad survival rate some put it as low as 24%. I hope to beat that 24% and raise it but one never knows what cards you are going to draw.  A lot depends on the stage and whether it has spread. It could be attached to my intestines or my bladder or both. Because I have some numbness in my right leg it could be doing nasty things to my spinal nerves and because I have plaques in my lower lung it could have gone travelling there which I guess is quite common according to my obgyn.

They have told me the hospital stay could be from 4-7 days next week. A seven day hospital stay does not sound like any fun to me. I haven’t had a stay that long since my eye operation as a kid and that really wasn’t any fun at all. At least now I can fight back if a nurse hurts me, when I was little I couldn’t even see it coming.

Tonight I’m going to light a 7 day Brighid candle, to start the process. If I’m not too sick next Monday night maybe I’ll post how it went. I might not depending on what the prognosis is and how well I’m processing that information.

I have to say it has made me more attentive to things. The first bird I heard yesterday was a crow, this morning some crazy mockingbird was singing in the rain. And we have our long awaited rain and it’s supposed to stay all week.

So I look up and out and treasure each moment. I treasure all the friends that have said encouraging things here and on Facebook. For some reason at the moment I’m not scared. I probably should be but not having the cancer out is not an option but it’s just a first step.

I wish Laura or Mary had talked more about what they were going through. I wish I knew what they had thought or faced. I know each journey is personal and I’m a pretty private person but maybe I can help someone else in this situation or not.

I did think it’s pretty funny that there are so many men that want to be women right now but will never know the truth about being a woman and owning the parts of a woman that can turn around and kill you. They’ll be women when they can get ovarian, uterine, cervical and have a higher rate of breast cancer, until then, they aren’t women.

6 thoughts on “Cancer and my spiritual path

  1. …they’re not, and can never be, women. All of the surgery and hormones in the world won’t make a man a woman, just like all of the skin bleach, plastic surgery, and hair straightener couldn’t make Michael Jackson “white.” Nor could skin bronzers, hair extensions, and African-print dashikis make Rachel Dolezal “black.”

    I’m thinking of you and sending you the best wishes and prayers that I can. I know that you’re scared shitless, even if you don’t say so outright…and it’s terrifying as fuck, I know.
    *HUGS*

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  2. Thankyou for sharing about cancer and spirituality. When I had oesophageal cancer I found that the spirituality that had already been part of my life for 30+ years very beneficial. I’ve always loved ritual and liturgy but more so then. I’ve always been a person that ‘sees’ deeply, but more so then, and like you I took more notice of birdsong and other things that I might have missed.
    I wish you well, do believe in the power of blessing, and if you don’t mind will send a dynamic-blessing when in the blessing-zone. Thankyou for sharing form the heart.

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  3. Kat, I wish Laura and Mary had shared more about their inner processes too, but I think they were both in denial for most of their journey. It makes perfect sense to me that your spirituality will grow and change in unexpected ways. You know I am here for you and I wish I could be there on Monday.

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    • I wish you could too. Denial is not an option but I figure if I share what I’m going through it will maybe help someone else. There are so many things I want to ask them now, it makes me miss them so much more. Love you lots.

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