Musings about the beloved dead photo

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I’ve looked at this picture a million times and it’s one of my favourites and today I noticed something for the first time. I’m looking down. Looking down is an indicator of not being able to see or having trouble seeing. I’m about 2 1/2 and had probably just gotten that first pair of glasses. They had to specially make them because in 1956 they didn’t put glasses on little kids.

When I was leaving the Hospital after my eye surgery about 5 years after this picture, the nurse from hell told me, “Stop looking down, you walk like a blind person.” That really hurt. I was fully bandaged, both eyes and I remember thinking “but I am blind.” And for some reason her saying that just tore into my 7 year old soul. Sometimes when people say things they get written on your soul in pain and stay with you the rest of your life. I can’t tell you how much that hurt at the time and I never told my parents. I just held that bit of hurt close to my heart with all the other past hurts.

Anyway, as you can see I’m looking down at the ground and now I wonder who was leading whom? Was I leading him or was that bright golden baby leading me?