I’ve never liked Easter

I have no good memories of Easter. Easter was torture from the outfits forced on me, to the egg hunts that were impossible for a blind kid to the hours long torture of never ending church services when I didn’t find anything useful to believe in.

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Don’t I look thrilled.

Little girls in the 50’s and 60’s were forced into hideous outfits bought new for the day. Socks with lace edges that doubled as buzzsaws when they hit the other legs. Petticoats that were so new and stiff and full they threatened to pop up if you didn’t forcibly hold them down and when you couldn’t always do it you heard a chorus of “I see London, I see France”. Hats always dorky and especially dorky if you had to carry a matching handbag that had el zippo inside except maybe a hanky your grandma gave you. A Lilt permanent given the day before that stunk to high heaven and was just gross for a kid with stick straight hair. And my mom hand embroidered my dresses which now would be worth tons of money but at the time all I wanted was to wear a store bought dress. And to the piece de resistance, patent leather shoes that Dad had to take out and sandpaper the bottoms so you didn’t slide and land on your butt.

One year, this lead to an incident at Sunday School. Mom always had to buy them too big because I would “grow” into them. They were too big and since my left foot is 2 sizes bigger than my right, the right one was way too big. Somehow there was a high kicking contest and my new right shoe landed on the roof of the Sunday School building. Can you say swift swat to the keester on the way home?

When I joined the kids choir and we had to get into robes, we had to take off our hated finery or we looked like Rose Parade floats with those petticoats on. And of course, put the flaming things on again after we sang. Church was normally 2 services and an overflow. Church held about 1500 people and on Easter would be full of Easter and Christmas Christians so they had to add a third service. If you were in the adult choir which I eventually graduated to that meant sitting through 3 sermons that were longer than normal that made you start thinking you were going to gnaw your leg off you were so hungry and when you finally got home a big meal with ham or lamb neither of which would I eat.

I only got taken to a public Easter Egg Hunt at the park once. Dad thought it was a fun thing to do but somehow he forgot I couldn’t see very well. Kids were running all over grabbing eggs and by the time I finally spotted one some kid would swoop in and take it. I remember standing there in the park crying because I hadn’t found a single egg and my dad telling me I hadn’t tried hard enough. Yeah, we didn’t do that again even after I had eye surgery. We had them at home where Dad knew where they were all hidden and could help point them out.

It didn’t help that for some reason the minute I saw my Easter basket full of candy I used to have to run and get sick. No idea why except that it happened every year. The only good thing I can remember was way back in the dark ages before backpacks girls carried their books in woven lined book baskets and after I got to Junior High my Easter basket was a new book basket since by this time in the year mine would be thrashed. We all had one hip and shoulder high than the other from carrying all our books around in them because everyone in my neighborhood walked to school.

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Kind of like this one but with raffia handles and lined with bright cotton fabric.

Anyway, Easter isn’t a holiday I remember fondly so as a pagan, I don’t miss it a bit.

3 thoughts on “I’ve never liked Easter

  1. Yikes. I do remember the egg hunts that were torture because I couldn’t see a damned thing. I finally got glasses, then contacts, and recently surgery. My depth perception will always be a bit wonky and those buggers are STILL hard to see for just that reason. As the girl who always wanted to wear a suit, I loathed the outfits too. These days if I have to dress formally, I wear a suit. Because fuck dresses. Although robes are somehow ok? Who knows. I haven’t figured that out yet myself.
    The church services though I generally enjoyed. As a kid I liked the extra music. As a teen I hated all of it. Now I’m learning to appreciate the parts of the message that are universal and let the rest lie as human squawking. And I still like the music.

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  2. I miss the comradery of choir and the music that was so sublime but the unending sermonizing during prayer by ministers that didn’t give sermons and the lenghty sermons where I learned to sleep with my eyes open and the general grossness of communion whether you believe in transmogrification or transubstantiation, not at all. The music was never going to be enough to hold me especially after I came out and some people blamed my parents for bringing us up badly. That was evil.

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  3. I SO relate! Except for the eyesight and junior choir. Perms and scratchy clothes. I hated eggs, still do, so I don’t have many good memories of Easter. I did win a hamster when my mom pointed out a plastic egg at a hunt. It had a coupon to a pet store. I even remember as an adult singing solo at a sunrise service where my toes were so cold they were blue under my white tights. That was the last time I did the sunrise singing.

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