LEDa – Goddess of Holiday lights. Her minions can be found everywhere you turn in the holiday season both indoors and outdoors. She is characterized by low energy consumption and by the wigging out of your eyeballs because her LEDs can’t be looked at for very long. She is a friend of the dark goddess, Migraina. She is best propitiated by stealthy unplugging the displays put up by her minions. And by the consumption of an offering of 800mg of Ibuprofen.
Carolingua – Goddess of incessant Christmas carols in stores and malls. Our next dark Goddess for the season is Carolingua. She is the auditory cousin of LEDa and almost as unavoidable. She can be found lurking in elevators, stores, shopping malls and sometimes even invades offices and workplaces. She can manifest as live music or as a recording and be equally pervasive. She is best met with earmuffs, even in California, noise cancelling headphones and again the blessings of ibuprofen. She has a disturbing side effect of becoming an earworm that nothing will get rid of. Small exposures can be tolerated but large does can induce insanity.
Udrippa – Goddess of rainy week days, She can be found more in some places than others. She rarely visits Southern California but when she does she likes to cause flash floods, rolling boulders and bad drivers. She is propitiated by rain coats and galoshes but views umbrellas as a challenge to her authority. Her offerings of hot tea, hot chocolate, preferably with whip cream or marshmallows. Coffee is too ordinary to provide an offering. Beware if not provided with a timely offering she will send drips down your neck from the smallest gap and wet your socks through infinitesimal holes in your shoes.
