Archive | November 18, 2014

The physics of cats

I have lived with cats my entire life and there are some things that I have become convinced about them. The laws of physics do not apply to cats. They have their own physical laws.

Cats have some inherent capabilities that other beings do not have and I think these abilities are why they have become associated with witches and witchcraft.

1. 1. Any cat can create a wormhole. This wormhole once created ceases to exist when they leave this physical plane. One minute a cat is playing with their favourite mouse toy and the next minute it has disappeared until the cat wishes it to appear again. You can get a flashlight out and crawl around looking under furniture but you will not find the mouse until the cat wants it again. They will even accompany you around the room but you will not find that toy.

2. 2. Once a cat dies all their toys start reappearing and reappearing in unlikely places like your bed when you know there was no toy in your bed when you went to sleep.

3. 3. Cats can teleport, some cats are better at this than others. Black cats seem to be the best at it and not just because they can be difficult to see but almost all cat’s persons have experienced this at some point. One minute there is no cat there and blink there the cat is. They are worse than Dr Who’s blink angels.

4. 4. Cats can change time so all feeding times are now. If this isn’t true try telling the cat they have an hour to wait until their regular feeding time. All time is now for a cat.

5. 5. None of this addresses the Jedi mind tricks that most people possessed by a cat are familiar with but it’s a start. Such as the ability to stare at a sleeping human and wake them up without ever touching them.