Archive | November 14, 2014

Hard choices

Liathfaol, my kitty has hung on stubbornly now for almost a year. She did not want to go over the Rainbow Bridge. Earlier in the year I had a chat with her and gave her choices and if she didn’t want to go she was to keep playing and being the big goofy Maine Coon that she is but if she decided to go, she would let me know by not eating or other body functions or not playing or acting out of character. The last few days she has not eaten much and has had litter box issues and has just lain under my bed or just been lethargic. Not her usual self.

She was very anxious after we had to put Failleas, my sister’s cat to sleep a few weeks ago. She kept looking for her and staring at my sister and talking to her to ask where Failleas had gone. And Alison brought Coirbidh home last week and when Liath met the new kitten she didn’t quite know what to do. I think this week she just gave up. She usually sleeps by my head or feet and cuddles me during the night. Not the last few days, she has detached and it hurts and I think she hurts too. She is acting very strangely, This morning she tried to climb in the bathtub something she has given a wide berth to since we gave her a bath for fleas about 5 years ago. It took her months before she forgave me for that indiscretion.

So tomorrow we are going to go to the vet and my heart is breaking. This is so much harder for some reason even than when I signed the DNR for my mom. I’m 60 years old and part of me assumes I can rescue another kitty like I rescued Liath. Part of me thinks about how old I will be if a new kitty comes into my life.

Grieving for people or animals just plain sucks. I took an editing job for a friend who has written a book just so I could pay for this otherwise I’d just have to wait and watch her suffer and that I can’t do. Any more than I’d want to suffer myself in those circumstances. Sometimes life hurts but it’s worth it for the love.

11 Things to Answer (about your religion)

bay witch musings

As some of you may know (my regular readers and my PF buddies!!), I’m one of the administrators/moderators/co-owners/long time members of Pagan Forum, which is a multi-faith religious forum with a mostly Pagan perspective and I’ve been Pagan of one flavor or another for 22 years now, in a variety of settings (speaking in terms of practice, belief, and just plain geography), so I’ve had plenty of opportunities to see people new to Paganism wonder wherem in a plethora of traditions and world views, that they might fit.  When most of us discover Paganism (or any religion, really) it seems that we generally pick the one that resonates with the beliefs we already *grok* as true and sort of evolve from there, rather than the other way around.

Over the years I’ve had some time to take stock of my own journey and the journey of those around me and I’ve found it…

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A prayer to Bast for my love

Lady Bast, I have to send one of your charges back to you over the Rainbow Bridge

She has been my friend, my comforter, my healer and my love

You did a wonderful thing when you chose her to be with me for the last 15 years

I have tried to be all she needed from a human companion.

Thank you

I thank her for the love freely given

I thank her for the joy in watching her play

In her ability to send a sock in the air the length of the living room

To hunt it down and kill it

I will remember her ability to scare the crap out of me

While hunting the wild braid as I sleep because the evil thing might get away.

I will remember her ability to tell time by her stomach clock

And her dramatic rendition of a cat about to starve to death

I will remember her confusion about why a human

would immerse herself daily in the evil water box.

I will remember her ability to sing loudly

The folk songs of her people

Usually in the dark of night.

I will remember her “I’m too cute to leave”

Dramatic performance every morning before work.

I will remember her ability to comfort when I was in pain

And for always knowing when I needed it.

I will remember Liathfaol

Mighty hunter of toy mice and errant socks

I will remember love.