Liathfaol, my kitty has hung on stubbornly now for almost a year. She did not want to go over the Rainbow Bridge. Earlier in the year I had a chat with her and gave her choices and if she didn’t want to go she was to keep playing and being the big goofy Maine Coon that she is but if she decided to go, she would let me know by not eating or other body functions or not playing or acting out of character. The last few days she has not eaten much and has had litter box issues and has just lain under my bed or just been lethargic. Not her usual self.
She was very anxious after we had to put Failleas, my sister’s cat to sleep a few weeks ago. She kept looking for her and staring at my sister and talking to her to ask where Failleas had gone. And Alison brought Coirbidh home last week and when Liath met the new kitten she didn’t quite know what to do. I think this week she just gave up. She usually sleeps by my head or feet and cuddles me during the night. Not the last few days, she has detached and it hurts and I think she hurts too. She is acting very strangely, This morning she tried to climb in the bathtub something she has given a wide berth to since we gave her a bath for fleas about 5 years ago. It took her months before she forgave me for that indiscretion.
So tomorrow we are going to go to the vet and my heart is breaking. This is so much harder for some reason even than when I signed the DNR for my mom. I’m 60 years old and part of me assumes I can rescue another kitty like I rescued Liath. Part of me thinks about how old I will be if a new kitty comes into my life.
Grieving for people or animals just plain sucks. I took an editing job for a friend who has written a book just so I could pay for this otherwise I’d just have to wait and watch her suffer and that I can’t do. Any more than I’d want to suffer myself in those circumstances. Sometimes life hurts but it’s worth it for the love.