I came into work to find a request in my inbox for stories about doctors with no clue about how to treat lesbians so I wrote about the worst one and now they want to interview me. Boy, are they going to get an earful because most doctors unless they are lesbian or gay or clueless. I’ve had exactly two gynecologists that weren’t idiots when treating a lesbian. One was Dr Jane Patterson, who was one of the first women gynecologists and wrote a book about her experiences in med school. Everyone I knew went to her. When you came out you were told, go to Dr Jane. She died of pancreatic cancer and I still miss her. She was funny and never asked any of the stupid questions straight doctors do. The other was Dr Bates who did my hysterectomy and had a gay dr in the partnership. She is wonderful and calm and so sensible.
But most straight doctors are idiots when faced with a lesbian patient. You get asked if you are sure you don’t need birth control even when they know I’m a dyke. I always say the same thing. There has been no star in the east and there haven’t been three wise men in this century so, no, I don’t need birth control.
And no I don’t need to know how to use a condom, thank you very much, for safe sex either but do you know how to use a dental dam, most of the time the answer is no and besides the transmission of female to female HIV is almost non-existent if blood is not involved. Lesbians who have never slept with men rarely get yeast infections because it’s men that pass that to women.
But the worst time was when I was working for the Girl Scouts and gave myself ammonia poisoning when I was preparing for a SG Science Sleuth day and was experimenting with the best concoction to create crystal gardens on charcoal briquettes and didn’t have enough ventilation. This landed me in the ER at 2 in the morning vomiting my guts out. My girlfriend at the time insisted on going after I had been sick for several hours. I ended up going in her scrubs because it was all I could get on and since she weighed at least a hundred pounds more than I did at the time they were rather large on me. We get there and straight to an idiot doctor. He was sure I was pregnant even though I explained I was a lesbian and he wanted to do a pregnancy test. Even with my partner telling him it wasn’t necessary, all the while I’m still getting sick and explaining over and over I was a lesbian and his answer was finally that I might not know I was pregnant???? Finally a gay x-ray tech who had been waiting to do x-rays stepped in after he stopped laughing at the whole thing and the doctor gave up but was mad that I wouldn’t submit to an ultrasound to find an ectopic pregnancy. I’d already had an appendectomy and nothing was sensitive in my abdomen. I don’t know whether it was because he was Middle Eastern and there was a language gap or that old joke about thinking I had said Lebanese instead of lesbian or he was just stupid but he slowed my treatment up when I was very sick which was very stupid.
Anyway, I’m kind of excited that my healthcare company is finally putting something for treatment of our community.