Cancer is an evil robber. It robs you of the light in people’s eyes and their love if they die and even when they survive, it changes them forever. Sometimes that’s a good thing if it stops them for pursuing bad behaviours but no matter what a friend or family member that has come face to face with their morality in such a deadly way often now has an underlying fear that it will come back and it shows in their eyes.
Even the 15 years that Cam had between the first time and the reoccurrence when they told him he was cancer free, he was always waiting for that next seizure that would tell him that the doctors were wrong and the cancer was back. He did start to do things like start Square Dancing which he refused to do when we were little and I was teaching folk dancing and church became more important to him. When he first got sick he refused prayer from me and my friends because I wasn’t Christian. When he got sick the second time he wanted prayer from any one with a good heart.
I hate cancer for taking Laura. I know as a pagan that she will be back when she chooses. I know as a scientist that no energy is ever lost and that all of us are always here some where, some way. But when cancer takes someone from you, you don’t have them in the here and now when you want to talk to them or ask a question or just give them a hug. It’s a selfish human thing but it’s true and even if they survive, while they are sick, you fear to hug them and give them your germs or that they are fragile. When they do survive you watch them for any sign they might be sick again and that the cancer has come back. You do that even when its been 20 years since their cancer diagnosis.
Maybe it’s selfish to hate cancer because it’s about you losing someone and how you will live if the person is gone but it’s a human thing and I hate cancer!