Archive | July 3, 2013




Defining identity

One of my exes says she is having an identity crisis because DOMA and Prop 8 passed and she has to redefine who she is. That’s just about the dumbest thing I ever heard. Defining yourself by whether a law exists or not or on a specific relationship to me indicates an instability of your self. You are letting your very self be defined by other people and what if that relationship goes away? It also tells me why she stalked me for a long time and wouldn’t go away, she had built me into her definition of self and couldn’t handle not having me as one of her pillars but the truth is I’m not one of her pillars. No one is.


If you define yourself by your relationships and outside events then you aren’t a stable person. I let myself be defined by one lover and her desires for me to change and it almost ruined my life. I will never ever ever make that mistake again.


I am me. I am my own collection of wants, needs, desires and knowledge and no one else’s. You can want me to change something or not like something but it isn’t going to change due to anyone’s wants and desires but my own.


I am not defined because I have a lover or don’t which is probably why I get so annoyed every time marital status appears on a form. I am no longer my mother’s daughter, she is dead. I am not someone’s lover. I am no longer my brother’s sister or my father’s daughter. They can have and influence on my past but they have no active influence on my choices now and in truth they didn’t when they were alive or I never would have been pagan of come out as a lesbian. They wouldn’t have approved of that but I make my own choices.


What if I lived in a state that didn’t have gay marriage? The laws would have no effect at all on my life and I have no desire to ever get married it has no effect at all on my actions or identity unless I choose it to have an effect. Relationships and laws can never define who I am. Ever. The only laws I can think of that might are the Bill of Rights and that is still more an influence on how I act but never who I am. That is just silly.