Archive | May 7, 2013

There are no right or wrong life choices if you make the choice consciously.

One thing I will never understand is how an expressed opinion or life choice or circumstance personally impinges on someone else’s choice. What I mean is why some people take it personally that their life choices are somehow wrong when faced with yours.

It’s a form of stupidity I first met when I started coming out of the closet as a lesbian. And the reaction I often got was that somehow my coming out made their choice to be straight incorrect because obviously my life choices automatically would make them gay? I used to assume it was some form of extreme vanity and narcissism and sometimes it is but now I know that for some people it forces them to think about their own choices and what if their choices are wrong. As if there was some sort of cosmic test they were going to have to pass and they had the wrong answers.

The narcissism came in from people like the guy who accused me when I was giving a class talk of becoming a lesbian so I didn’t have to date him. Gee, maybe the fact that you are serial killer weird and never wear clean clothes or bathe doesn’t have an effect on whether you can get a date? It’s my being a lesbian? Uh no!

Then there were the ones who said I couldn’t be gay because I was a nice person and they wanted to be friends but they couidn’t if I was gay. Yeah, cause being gay made me a sinner and unclean but you can still eat shellfish and be friends with that person who is cheating on your best friend and I’m the sinner, Uh no!

Then I started coming out as a Witch/Pagan/Druid another one that makes them consider their choices and decide my choice make their choice a black mark on the cosmic test. Oh my Goddess, what if Kat’s right and there are more deities than my Christian God that I worship because my parents and grandparents always have and they must be right? Or because I’m afraid that hell might be real and I might go there?

This causes extreme proselytizing. I got this from my mother who was on a mission to convert me back before she croaked because she knew Jesus was going to meet her at the door of heaven and tell her she couldn’t come in because she hadn’t raised me right? Or my childhood friend that will not shut up about how I’m going to hell and how my parents would be so disappointed. Really? You think I care what my parents thought of my choices? If I did I would never have come out as a lesbian and that freed me to make more fitting life choices like being pagan. It freed me to think and not be in lock step with every one else. And sometimes it frees me of old friends who cannot accept me as who I am and not the illusion they want to see of me and they get unfriended on Facebook when they don’t shut up.

And you see the same stupidity about those kinds of choices in the pagan community. The first time I met it was at my first pagan gathering in 1984 from men who didn’t approve of Dianics because if you only worship Goddesses then their magic making must be wrong because they believed you have to have polarity and while I’m no longer a strict Dianic I still have those tendencies and my magic works just fine without polarity. And it’s false dichotomy anyway since a lot of traditions were triplicities historically and other forms so other forms must work. But nooooo, you need a man to work magic. Uh no!

Or the people who somehow thought I was condemning their life choices when I questioned godspousing and veiling last month and I’m talking about the non-thoughtful hateful attacks I got. Really? How does my opinion of what you are doing make you wrong for doing it? And how the hell did the comments devolve into rape culture and being down on transgenderd because I was cis????? It doesn’t! I’m not self centered enough and my self esteem is not so low that I mistake concern a personal attack. I don’t care what you do only what I do and if I think what you are doing is a little weird or silly I’m just going to go the other way and not bring out the damn thought police. I think a lot of things are weird or silly, I think Gardnerians who scourge like old Gerald are silly too! Deal with it! It does not affect what you do, if you think my worshipping Murray the Parking God is silly because you think it should be Asphalta instead, deal. My choices and opinions do not make your choices and opinions wrong, never has and never will. And for the record I never said I thought it was wrong I said I had concerns because of what I read so don’t jump on me again.

Anymore than I care what any male thinks of any Dianic or women centered spirituality. They don’t get a vote any more than I get a vote in any gay male spirituality like Hyperion’s or the Radical Faeries or should the straight boys start one theirs. You can have an opinion but you have no right to demand any change at all in another’s practice with the possible exception of human sacrifice but sometimes I have my doubts about that too considering some of the human species. Not even a BNP on each side changes anything.

I don’t care what you think of Women born women excluding people from Dianic circles. The Dianic movement was started by lesbians for lesbians. The first members were lesbians it slowly got broadened and lesbians were moved to the outside of their own religious movement and there are times I think the pendulum needs to swing back in that direction. Lesbians rank socially below every other group. Why should they be shamed into having to leave the spirituality they started because someone who is not a lesbian and has never been through everything lesbians go through tell lesbians they have to include people who have not had their life experiences? And for the record – Cis is extremely offensive. Haven’t lesbians been disenfranchised enough? And even though I’m no longer a practicing Dianic I do agree with how they feel about outsiders telling them how to be a Dianic. People wouldn’t dream of telling a Gardnerian what they practice is wrong so why do they get to tell Dianics they are wrong?

How did thinking your choices through so you can coherently state them become so onerous and how did life choice become something other people had to control because heaven forbid, there even be choices and your choices make them uncomfortable so they must be wrong? It’s much more comfortable when everything is white bread and peanut butter and you don’t have to choose whether to have Nutella instead. There are always places we can’t go and there are always things we aren’t eligible to do by virtual of who we are. There will always be choices to make, just don’t make them by default or others will make them for you.

In short, you and only you are responsible for your decisions and choices and I am personally responsible for mine and my choices don’t make yours wrong anymore than your choices make mine wrong.

I hate the economy and the companies that took it down

Well, after many promises it appears I’m again not temp to hire after 15 months. They only keep temps here for 15 months but they “let” you come back after 90 days. So kind of them. I should have known better than to get my hopes up. After 5 years of only temp jobs you think I would learn that there are only false hopes.

I’m getting really depressed. If someone tells you for over a year that you are better than some of the permanent people and that they would like to hire you and then they let your time run out, what is a person supposed to think. I know I’m good at what I do. They give me the hard stuff that no one else can do and I get it done quickly and correctly. The only real barrier I have to hiring is that I’m over 55 years old. Does that make me terminally stupid? I don’t think so. Not when they give me the gross shit to do that’s time consuming and tedious and fucked up by everyone else. But I’m too old.

I don’t feel too old. Well maybe sometimes getting off the couch or going up stairs but not when I’m working.

So next week I guess I start organizing all the Littlest Druid stories into book form so they can be published and I can get them up on Amazon.

Back to worrying about paying the rent and the utilities, back to worrying if I can pay for my prescriptions. I hate this shit. Back to no internet during the day unless I go to Starbucks or the library. I hate this shit.

I should have known since this company likes to lay people off and them hire them back as minimum wage temps after 10+ years of service. Why did I think I could be hired?