Archive | July 20, 2012

BunniHoTep and the lost children

I wrote this after Virginia Tech to try and explain what had happened to myself and hoped I’d never have to post it again.

Once upon a time BunniHoTep was sitting on the Temple Porch playing with some beads that Isis had given her, streams of coral, turquoise, carnelian and lapis glowing quietly in the afternoon sunlight. The Priestesses were off somewhere doing their jobs and she was alone slowly meditating on how she would use the beads, maybe a collar or a belt.

She heard a low thundering coming toward the Temple. She stopped and listened. She was wondering what the noise was when Ammit’s head popped around the pillars at the end of the porch.

“Ammit! What are you doing here? Aren’t you usually helping Ma’at?

“Yes, but she thought you could help us. We’re missing some souls that need weighing. They were due hours ago and Ma’at thinks they’re lost and don’t know they are dead. Ma’at thought that since you were the Finder of Lost Things you could help.” Ammit said breathing heavily and trying to get her breathe. Ammits aren’t built for running.

“What happened to their escort? Don’t you have that escort for them?” said BunniHoTep.

Ammit hung her head.

“They weren’t on Anubis’s list. They weren’t supposed to go.”

“How did that happen?” BunniHoTep exclaimed.

“I said they weren’t supposed to die. One of Thoth’s students has been very unhappy and this morning he exploded. He was one of those people that don’t ever notice that other people are reaching out and trying to help them. He took a crossbow and shot a class of younger students. And then he got away and drowned himself in the Nile. Thoth is heartbroken, everyone had tried to help the student but he wouldn’t be helped. It’s so sad when someone won’t let themselves be loved and he hurt all those children too.” Ammit broke down sobbing.

“Ammit, please stop crying and we’ll go look. They are probably still in the classroom. I doubt they’ve gone far if they don’t know they are dead. We can find them.” BunniHoTep said, packing up her beads. ”Let’s go.”

BunniHoTep patted Ammit and they walked hurriedly down Temple Row towards Thoth’s temple. They walked through the Temple, priests and priestesses crying quietly as they cleaned up the damage and the blood. No one had ever done anything like this in a Temple. They had no frame of reference. What had they done wrong? Could they have done something differently? The Temple buzzed with the asked and unasked questions. Ammit and the small goddess moved through the crowd quietly. They hurried to the classroom area and found the bodies of the teacher and the children. BunniHoTep swallowed and choked back tears. She noticed that the seats were still full of children that she could see through.

“Why are you still here? Why haven’t you gone to Ma’at?”

“We’re waiting for our teacher. He left us behind. Why did he leave?” the children asked. They started to cry quietly.

“I don’t think he meant to leave without you. I think he thought you were following him and didn’t know you couldn’t. It’s going to be alright. Do you notice that you can see through the people out in the Temple.”

The children nodded.

“That’s because you aren’t in their world now. You are in Anubis’s world now. You are safe here. You will never be afraid or be in pain ever again. It will be alright now. Would you line up in a two straight lines and hold hands with your partner?”

BunniHoTep took the two lead children’s hands and led them from the Temple and down to Ma’at’s Temple.

Ma’at was waiting at the top of the Temple steps.

“Where would you like me to take them.” BunniHoTep asked.

“I don’t need to weigh their hearts. They haven’t lived long enough to know the evil that comes when you get older. Would you lead them to Anubis? He is ready for them. He is taking them to the place where children get to play in the sunshine.” Ma’at looked down and smiled at the children.

BunniHoTep led the children in their crocodile line to where Anubis was waiting. Ma’at hurried over, she’d had an idea. She looked at Anubis and pointed to the clear blue afternoon sky.

BunniHoTep gave the children hugs and kiss on their forehead. “Go with him and be good, won’t you?”

The children nodded and turned to follow Anubis. The last child in line turned and waved shyly and followed the rest. BunniHoTep waved back and turned to walk back to her Temple.

Anubis took the children and walked up,up and up into the now twilight sky. He led them round the Great Bear and her child and asked if she would watch over the children. The Great Bear nodded, Yes.

And now when you look up into the deep night sky and see a line of stars that wind in and around the Great Bear and her child you will see a long line of stars. The Greeks called them the dragon or Draco but they are really a long line of children playing in the night sky.

BunniHoTep wondered how someone could be hurting so much that he would hurt children just starting out in life. She thought that some people could be so lost no one could ever find them and she thought that was one of the biggest tragedy of all. She wondered what it would take to reach one so lost from the family of man.

An apology

I have an apology to make. I was too harsh the other day in my criticism of the whole pagan veiling thing. I haven’t changed my mind and I do not understand the urge but I was too harsh in what I said and I’m sorry.

As a second wave feminist it bothers me tremendously when I feel women are going backwards and not forwards especially in a political environment where the Republican Party is inserting anti-women things in every budget bill they think Obama has to sign.

There are two things I would like to say though, just because a deity asks you to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it. You can say “no”, it is a two way street. I have had more than one encounter with a deity I have said a firm NO to. I don’t think any deity worth worshipping is going to demand blind obedience and none are infallible even the one they call Yahweh. He may think he is but he isn’t.

And I think deities may get so excited about being worshipped again they go back to what they remember people doing for them and not realize millennium have passed since anyone cared. You may have to remind them time has passed. Or maybe I’ve just read too much of “American Gods” in the last few days.

As I said I’m a second wave feminist. Title IX passed after I graduated my senior year of high school. Girls who had last period PE my senior year only got to use the girl’s sports fields if none of the boy’s teams wanted them so we took walks in the neighborhood instead of being able to use the softball diamond, the volleyball courts. Even the ‘B’ boys basketball team got to use the Girl’s gym before us.

My senior year in high school was when they finally let us wear pants and not dresses to school. Roe v Wade wasn’t decided until after I had been in college for 6 months in January of ’73 and wouldn’t become a reality for at least another year. Enough that I knew someone who was at SLO who went the back alley route and almost died from hemorrhaging.

I saved up babysitting money to buy a charter subscription to MS magazine much to my mother’s surprise. I had already purchased in installments a life membership to the National Wildlife Federation. (Boy, have they lost money on me!)

I marched in ERA marches. The last march I did was the March for Women’s Lives in 1986 over in Culver City in the pouring rain. And all the pro-lifers were men protesting the March, not a single woman there and they were all draped in bloody sheets and waving bloody baby dolls at us.

I don’t want to go back to a place where Margaret Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale could come true. And frankly covering my head seems like it’s a step in that direction.

WTF? Why are pagans quoting the Bible?

Lately there have been a lot of blog posting about “Your body is your temple.” What the hell is with quoting I Corinthians 6:19?? And for the record, it’s not only offensive to people who are overweight but it’s extremely offensive to people with disabilities. If my body is a temple it started out with a window someone threw a rock through since I was born blind in one eye. Does that make any sense?

If my body is a temple than one end had collapsed since my knee has been rebuilt after I blew it out doing an hour of ballet a day and weight lifting. I was in a wheelchair and on crutches for a year and a half. Some Temple!

My Temple is missing a lot of rooms since my appendix was removed and since I had to get spayed due to an emergency. I would have died if I hadn’t. NO, MY BODY IS NOT A TEMPLE.

Yes, I’m overweight and in a lot of ways I’m healthier now that when as during my childhood I was very underweight. I had chronic bronchitis that since I have gained weight I have not had a single bad bout of. I rarely get colds. I always had a colds when I was underweight and the right weight. I rarely get them now. I have bad arthritis now because I was a gymnast and runner and back packer and because of injuries from those activities I gained weight but it’s also because of the gene pool I swam in.

I just posted a picture of my family. It was taken in the early 1930’s by the age of my mother in the photo. None of these people are small. None of them! If you are going to quote the Bible, that book also states you get threescore and ten years if you are lucky. Both of my great- grandmothers are in this photo. One is holding the baby and the other is on the far right. Not tiny ladies at all and they lived to be in their 90’s, the oldest was 97, the one on the far right of the photo. For the record, that is fourscore and ten plus seven. Every person that is a blood relation in this photo made at least three score and ten, the one who died in his 70’s was the little boy who died of lung cancer from smoking like a chimney and exposure to asbestos in WWII. The rest died in their 80’s, even my mom who had high blood pressure and at one point weighed 350lbs was 86 when she died.

So what is this really about? I think the fat phobes have finally gotten some press and are running with it. Quite frankly, I think all those stinky smokers at pagan gatherings are a bigger problem. I think we need to worry more about pagans who are perverts and yes, there are some. I know of some alleged pagan elders who will hit on anything they perceive to be female and are seriously in need of gaydar repair. That worries me more than fat. I had a quite famous pagan elder tell me that he did not like lesbians. (My coven is mostly lesbian and we were presenting at a gathering he was presenting in) Why didn’t he like lesbians? Because the “damn dykes” weren’t available to him. That worries me more than fat. Or how about the pagan elder that beat his wife before she left him and still has a prominent place in the community. That worries me more than fat. Or the pagan group in our area led by a pagan elder who doesn’t think Dianics should be allowed because women can’t do “real magic” without a man? That worries me more than fat. Those are all issues that affect the entire community. Fat does not and is an individual issue for the person and their doctor.

Weight can also be helpful in a weird way. I’ve noticed most High Priestesses gain weight. Even ones that are perpetually on a diet and exercising are often overweight. And I think it has to do with the ability or need to ground energy especially in circles where there are participants that refuse to ground their energy and it falls to the HP to have to do it. If you are heavy it’s a lot easier to ground than when you don’t weigh much.

I’m not saying I shouldn’t lose weight because I have, I’ve lost 50 lbs but it has more to do with the fact that I’ve been unemployed than a conscious thought that I need to lose weight. If you can’t buy food because you are paying the rent you tend to lose weight.

And on the spiritual side the Celts believed in equal triplicities and the one for that involves the body is body, mind and spirit. Yes, we should have a healthy body and a healthy body is not necessarily a skinny body. Nowhere is there anything about the body being a temple. The Celts also believed they were spiritual beings having physical experience and not, as Christians believe, a physical body that has spiritual experiences.

I also believe in reincarnation of the spirit, SPIRIT not reincarnation of the body. I’ve been here before and I will be here again, who knows if I’ll choose a gene pool of skinny bodies next time or not.

My courtesy cousin became an anorexic before they knew what anorexia nervosa was, when we were kids in the 70’s. She ended up in the hospital for months and at one point weighted 63 lbs. All because this athlete and top swimmer’s father made an offhand remark about pigs one day. I weighted just under a hundred lbs at the time. And since I started Junior Hi at 56 lbs in 7th grade and probably wasn’t that much better. She scared me to death because she looked so skeletal. Our moms took us out to lunch right after she got out of the hospital and she had one spoonful of soup and was full. I never want to see that again on anyone. If we start focusing on fat then what are we telling those middle school girls about their size?

And I notice a lot of the people saying this are men and they are saying it about the women in the community. I worry about that more than I worry about fat.