I struck a nerve with my posting on “fluffy bunnies”. Supposedly if you say you are old enough to know something then you don’t which strikes me rather like the people who say IMHO and then aren’t humble a bit. I used the age 30 for good reason. Anyone who is over 30 and to their 40s and 50s will know why. You can have all sorts of things happen to you before you are 30 that are both terrible and wonderful but there is something weird that happens to you around 30. Pagans call it your Saturn return and you either survive it and thrive or you don’t. 30 is the real turning point into adulthood.
Add to that the people in the babyboom era who came out and you had even more depth to it because I saw just about every male gay friend I had die of AIDS in the 80’s, It was why I became on-call clergy at the AIDS Service Center where I lived. It’s why I walked the AIDS Posada and the AIDS walk. It’s why I took the phone call the night my little brother called and said he was all alone. That the last one of his friends he came out with had died of AIDS. He ended up dying of brain cancer instead and surviving them all.
I know bad things can happen to people before their Saturn return. They certainly happened to me. I was born blind in one eye and only partially sighted out of my other in an age where all the other blind kids I knew went to a special school and were hidden away. I was born when there was the scourge of German Measles/Rubella and there still kids who had had polio. Most kids now don’t see the amount of handicapped kids that we did. There were more deaf kids, blind kids, kids with CP or CF. You don’t see that so much anymore. I knew what it was like to be beaten up because I wasn’t “normal”. Sometimes every day for weeks and the teachers knew and didn’t stop it. I knew about bullying starting in the first grade.
Death was a part of my life from a very young age. I attended my first funeral when I was 5 for my great grandmother. And almost every year after that someone in my extended family of great aunts and uncles someone would die. That doesn’t even cover the national mourning that the country plunged into and changed forever after Kennedy was shot.
I still remember when a child I used to help babysit at church died. Terry wasn’t even a year old when he died and to make it worse I don’t think they ever diagnosed what was wrong with him. He never got to sit up by himself but he could laugh and smile even if because he was permanently trached he would never speak. Our main job while his parents were at choir rehearsal without parents was to make sure no mucus clogged his trach. I think we were 14 or 15? And yet his funeral was filled with balloons and joy because Terry was finally free.
I know about awful being abused can be. I know it firsthand but I don’t need to talk about it. I just need to know I survived it. What you go through does make you stronger but so does surviving to get older.
You start a second Saturn return at around 56-59. One of my friends didn’t make it through. She decided that she’d never make the goals she set for herself because she was almost 60 and got depressed and let her diabetes get out of control and had a gall bladder attack that killed her. Death by defaulting on her choices. I loved H but I wish she had reached out to those who loved her. She might have made it through and she was one of the strongest people in the coven I started with back a life time ago in the 80’s. And she was living with 3 other people who would have done anything for her if she had asked.
So I wasn’t flaunting how much I allegedly know by being a old crone or playing the age card. I was stating simple fact. You have to get to the other side of 30 to really know what kind of person you are going to grow up to be and you can protest about it as much as you want but call me when you’re 35 and tell me if I was right.
And I repeat no matter how much you are judging someone to be a “Fluffy bunny” someone may be judging you to be the same.
More on Saturn returns: