Archive | December 27, 2011

Neanderthal males and Dianics

I, no sooner wrote that last post then some one I know posted this one:

Why is it so hard to understand women would to worship in a male free space? There are males only places everywhere. The Catholic Church priesthood that is currently on a purge against nuns for one for being uppity while denying women the chance to become priests. And then there are all the places that if a woman walks in she is treated like dirt like comic books stores, some fan conventions, sports bars like Hooters as a customer, so why is it so hard to understand that women don’t want the Neanderthal types of men around?

This gentleman, I can tell by reading his column and profile I can make some assumptions about, however. He names his blog “Provocations”. The word indicates he may want and expect a hostile response. I found however he screens his comments and the ones left are the ones that agree with him. Mine never posted. My blog is named “Rantings” and it’s the basic difference between men and women. Sometimes women just want to say something and not have someone tell you ninety-two reasons why you’re wrong but when you want to “provoke” a response you are trying to pick a fight. A rant just needs to be said. By the way that is only one of the meanings of rant, the original meant to express joy or good will.

Obviously this is the kind of male that hates being told “no” and wants to be able to go every where and has, by his boys club, felt that way from an early age. He wants everyone to pay attention to HIM and sadly no girl did. His bio doesn’t mention he’s married so I guess the status is still the same. His choice of movies on his bio tells me he likes male action and very little female interference and because one of them his Braveheart I’d also guess he isn’t really a student of history unless it goes his way. If he’d included “Lord of the Rings” I might have felt differently since its major themes are love and friendship.

I can also tell his general attitude towards life and his place in it by the title of his other blog, “My Writeful Place”. I think he must be awfully insecure to make his writes/rights the name of his blog. I think it indicates doubts that he really does have any rights so he has to assert them.

Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of men I love in my life. They’re wonderful people. Not a knuckle dragger in the bunch. I like intelligent, artistic cooperative people of both sexes and those are the ones I choose to do Circle with in public but I still belong to a basically Dianic coven of all women. They are my friends but occasionally I do go to a Dianic event. Sometimes women don’t want male energy around and there is such a thing as male and female energy. All women have at least some shorthand they can agree on to get along as a group. Men don’t always understand this.

I remember the ROTC guy that was an emergency hire one summer at camp. He ended up getting fired because he just could not get along with us. One night he came having a tantrum about it to me because I was one of the only women that would put up with him out of politeness. It was in the kitchen what he didn’t know was there was a bunch of the staff outside the kitchen listening to this rant about how awful women were when they weren’t behaving like they “normally” did around men. (And laughing their asses off)

I had to admit I had a bit of nasty fun with him once without really intending to be mean. I had a rattlesnake in my Arts and Crafts building and I needed to kill it and wanted some back up from the women staff down by the lake and here he came to my rescue. I didn’t want rescue. I wanted back up and there is a huge difference between the two that he never did get and the conversation went like this.

“Jeep!’ This was our code for rattlesnake. Need some help or at least a warning to keep the kids away if you couldn’t help.

Here comes “Hercules” to the rescue. He literally said he’d save me. I laughed.

My reply, “Have you done this before?”


“Then get out of my way!” and I proceeded to put the fire hose down the squirrel hole the snake had disappeared down in and turned it on full blast and went to the other exit with my sharpened shovel and killed the rattler when it came up.

He could not stop talking about it the rest of the night. He never understood it wasn’t bravery being displayed. Snakes are territorial therefore if a snake is around children it needs to be killed so it doesn’t strike a child. Therefore, some one with a brain and common sense needs to kill said snake. In a Girl Scout camp this generally means one of the women is going to have to do it and if you are the nearest and know how you do it. Not because you are brave but because it has to be done and you are there.

He could not get that concept for women. He also couldn’t understand why women wanted to join the ROTC even after seeing us do what needed to be done. But then when he was given the choice to quit he wouldn’t and ended up getting fired. I forgot what the straw was that broke the camel’s back up he just couldn’t figure out how to get along with us. On the other hand the first two years I was there we had Phil the maintenance guy and he got a long fine and we loved him for it. He expected us to do our jobs and he did is and we all got along.

Some men don’t get that women want their own sacred space. We meet together most of the time in perfect love and perfect trust in all the other women doing circle. It’s a safe space. For some women if a man is anywhere near there is no safe space. If a woman has been molested, raped or hurt in anyway by a man she will often times not feel safe unless it is all women. And yes, there are understanding men in the world but the fact is they are still male and to some women a male is unsafe period and she will not feel able to open to the divine with any male energy around. And this is just the kind of guy Dianics are trying to keep out.

The second year of the Harvest Moon festival eons ago COMMA was asked to do a women’s ritual. Actually we were asked to help with the Main ritual we said no but we could do a women’s ritual and they thought this was a good idea and we did. I still remember the look in some of the men’s faces who tried to enter. One has never forgiven us for allowing his wife in and not him and heaven forbid! She had a good time. One guy told is he was gay and should therefore be let in because he was almost the same as women. Uh no! He had a lot in common with this dude who wrote the blog. We had a head to head battle at another point over me being prochoice. He couldn’t understand why a lesbian would want control over he own body. He ended up leaving the community and becoming a monk in a monastery. He said he wasn’t appreciated enough.

Anyway, what I can’t figure out is why these guys feel the need to stick their oar or other pointed body part into a women’s space? How does our doing something with out a man harm men? If you don’t like it don’t try to go.

I notice he isn’t rabidly trying to join the Radical Fairies but he doesn’t write about them???

Women born women and Dianics

I have to take back a position I’ve had for awhile after some thinking and a good logical argument. I have thought for a while that there was nothing wrong with a transgendered female participating in Dianic circles but after reading Jade who is the head of RCGI and doing some thinking on it I find I’m changing my mind and I think I have some good reasoning behind it.

Jade based her reasoning on blood mysteries and she is right. A transgendered woman will never ever know the mysteries of a woman’s blood and the Dianic tradition is firmly based on women’s menstrual cycle, and quite frankly, that should be enough. Being Dianic is not about appearing or feeling to be female. It is about the fact that women bleed and then create life from that blood and in knowing the power of menopause when the bleeding stops. There are even Dianics that will get in your face if you have had a hysterectomy and tell you that surgery lost you your rights to belong. I know because some fools tried to tell me and some other women that when I was at Z’s Goddess 2000 camp several years ago and one of the reasons I haven’t been back. I do wonder if those women had had to have an emergency hysterectomy since then whether they have changed their minds.

And it comes straight out of the Charge of the Goddess, If you don’t know the mystery within you will never find it without. A transgendered woman even if she was born in the wrong body will never have a period. They will never have cramps and lie on the floor of a bathroom in their teens hoping desperately to die. They will never give birth. They will never have to choose whether to have an abortion or not. They have to worry about being raped after they make the choice to change but they won’t have feared it from the time they realize what rape is.

But there are also some other mysteries and realities of being a woman they will never face and it has to do with male privilege. Men who become transgendered women have known male privilege at least unconsciously from birth and little girls learn about it very early on. It is unfortunately taught to us by our women teachers and our mothers as a default and as much as we can deny it exists, it does.

The first lesson most little girls win is that in a straight on conflict, the boy wins. You can be playing quite happily with a toy and if a boy takes it and you object. The girl is told, “you should share.” The boy is almost never told to give it back. So the girls learn what I have can be taken and the boys learn, I can take what I want. A lot of men overcome this conditioning but some don’t. It’s where the phenomenon of men shooting their family if a wife leaves them comes from. It’s where date rape comes from. Boys are taught if I see and I want it I will take it. Girls learn submission is sometimes easier than fighting.

It doesn’t have to be that violent. It can be much more subtle. It can be as little as walking into a room and expecting to be paid attention to. I see it working in the library all the time. I can be working at the computer and the man next to me with start fidgeting and moving around to get my attention and if I ignore it, the fidgeting and whacking a pencil or tapping a finger will get louder because they are bored and, heaven forbid, ignored. Then the sighing starts and the mouse moves farther and farther over to your keyboard until you have to say something and they settle down because you had to say something and you paid attention to their existence. Even if you hate them, they got your attention and that’s what they wanted from a woman. If they are sitting next to a man, the same guy will sit quietly until his time is up.

There is some of that male expectance when a transgendered woman wants into a Dianic circle. And it’s one of the reasons they get very angry. And they don’t even know why they are angry. They feel left out and discriminated against and hurt. Well, welcome to the world of women because that is the unspoken mystery.

One of the reasons women get along or do not get along is we know when to listen, when to submit and where the lines are and most transgendered men never learn those lines because they haven’t learned those mysteries that are socialized into women and their subconscious minds from birth. It starts with the pink and blue shit and goes from there. My sister and I had to teach my mother about the hatred of pink and she never gave up trying to get up into pink until the day she died. It’s the gifting of dolls when you hate them and she knows it. Thank heavens, she had enough sense to also buy the microscope I wanted for Christmas. Oddly enough it was my dad that was less gender stereotyped. He took care of us when we were sick. Felt free enough to teach Cam and I to cook the things Mom wouldn’t. He taught Cam to sew on buttons and make repairs to pant hems. He was also the brave man that shopped for huge purple boxes of Kotex and just stared back and was secure enough to find it funny. Maybe because he was raised by his grandmother and his dad was in the Panama Canal when he was growing up or he was just more sensitive. But he still walked into any group and knew he belonged. He had that assumption and the assumption that if he saw something he was allowed to say something about it no matter the company that men do until they have to take sensitivity classes. My mom was a very large woman but dad didn’t see anything wrong with walking into a group of my camp friends when he went to pick me up at camp and remarking that they were a lot of cows there. Meaning large women. I about died right there. It was his privilege to call them as he saw them. No woman would have done that, at least not out loud.

But I think it’s the expectation of being included that grates on women the most. No woman goes into any group expected to be a member but men do and transgendered women often present themselves that way and they make it worse by saying that they will force their way in if they aren’t accepted as some transgendered women did and the Women’s Music Festival. When that happens it just confirms cis women’s fears of a safe place and being whole because the transgendered women are then behaving as if they were men and still have the expectation of privilege that they need to give up to be women.

So we are back to women born women are Dianics and I have to admit I might not have changed my mind on that if I hadn’t read some more on it. Women’s mysteries should remain women’s mysteries.