Archive | May 13, 2011

Missing genes

I was definitely born without some basic girl genes, specifically the mirror gene and the need to go to bathroom in a roving band of women.

I just went into the bathroom and there was a woman staring intensely at herself in the mirror mostly at her ass. I went in and did what I needed to do and when I was washing my hands she came out of her stall and then proceeded to do another thorough inspection of everything in the mirror. What exactly did she think happened in those few minutes? I’m happy to look down and not be trailing toilet paper off my shoe.

I don’t understand the whole mirror staring thing. I consult the mirror to make sure nothing untoward has happened in the night to my face, comb my hair and make sure I haven’t suddenly grown some menopausal beard hairs during the night but I have no desire to spend long minutes consulting my ass in my jeans. Nothing much to see there anyway, I was born without the junk in the trunk gene too.

I don’t have the gene that compels ordinarily self-sufficient women to go to the rest room in a pod. I do not wish most of the time to have a great conversation in the rest room. I have no desire to share bodily function noises with my friends.

I had a Rec professor at CSUN that used to make fun of the women that went in pods when we were on outings or trips and he would turn to me, usually the lone woman left and ask what was wrong with me. I always told him I had no need to go so why should I and that I was missing that gene and he would laugh. I really had no need to go hang out near a port a potty or bif in the woods. Camp was different. It might be the only time you could talk all day or they were the ones you borrowed the flashlight from. I used to watch it happen at camp when you had to go with a buddy but some women take it to the extreme and go in groups of 40 or more, I swear.

The other bathroom habit I can not fathom and one that gets me hot under the collar when I do need to go, is women who are teeny tiny people and insist on using the handicapped stall when there is nothing wrong with them and their feet don’t reach the floor. Why are you using the seat that is at least 2 inches higher than the normal can when you are not handicapped??? If I haven’t waited to the last minute and am not desperate, I will wait at the door for them to leave and make them scurry away but there they are the next time? Why???!!!

OMG I have to call on a doctor whose first name is Phuc. This will not be phun!

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