wanted people to tell their most embarrassing work story but since I can manage to embarrass myself virtually anywhere I’ll have to pick one.
I think it has to be after I had my knee surgery. I wore a custom molded to my leg knee brace for several years after my knee surgery. I wore skirts for a long time to cover it because it was hardened plastic and was full of gears that you couldn’t get pants over. So I used to wear thick black tights to protect my legs. The Velcro on the brace shredded any kind of regular stocking.
I used to work as a Worker’s Compensation Hearing Rep and one morning I guess I wasn’t paying attention after I came out of the rest room and my skirt was tucked up into the top of my brace and flashing my tights/underwear (at least they were black).
I walked through 4 different court rooms before any one told me. And not one of my friends or even one of the judges did. The person who finally told me was the one we treated like a doofus because she was always doing something colossally stupid like changing out of her stiletto heels while driving in the fast lane because it was raining and ending up in the center divider and a really pissed off employer. She used to ask questions that just would have our mouths dropping open because they were either offensive and or so stupid you knew opposing counsel was going object or it was something one of us had just asked because she used to fall asleep too. Anyway she was the only one to tell me which taught me a lesson in kindness too. That and the distinct urge to whack some of my male friends up the side of the head because they didn’t tell me.
I sing a song to the Earth
My home in space
Home to trees
Mountains of shales
Lands that shake
And lands that bake
Lands of snow where north winds blow
I sing of animals that swim
Of ones that creep and
Some that cringe
They see the harm that we do everyday
And know that they can not get away
So today and everyday
Ride your bicycle
And reuse, restore and recycle.
Underwear, Underwear, how I itch in my woolen underwear
How I wish I’d gotten
Some made of cotton
So I wouldn’t be so itchy everywhere.
B.V.D.s make me sneeze
When the wind blows so swiftly through my knees
Oh I am itching, Yes, I am itching
In my gosh darn, bing bang, woolen underwear
God Bless my underwear
My only pair
Stand beside it and guide it
Through the holes and the rips and the tears
From the washer and the dryer
On the clothes lines everywhere
God bless my underwear,
My only pair.