Archive | April 23, 2006

A Pagan in Hell

A Pagan In Hell

A Pagan dies and, to his great surprise, he finds himself standing before some pearly gates.

The Pagan asks, “Where am I?”

Peter says, “You’re at the gates of heaven.”

The Pagan says, “But I don’t believe in heaven.”

Peter frowns at him. “You’re one of those Pagans, aren’t you?”

“Yes. I believe I’m in the wrong place; I’m supposed to go to Summerland.”

Peter says, “Sorry. We took over Summerland, and it’s temporarily closed for remodeling.”

“What should I do now?”

Peter says, “Well, since we don’t allow Pagans in heaven, you have to go to hell. Sorry. Just follow that path that leads downward and to the left.”

The Pagan walks down to hell, where the gates are standing open. He walks in and finds beautiful meadows, happy animals, and clear streams of water.

He walks on in and begins exploring, and after a few minutes a courtly gentleman walks up to him and bows politely. “Hello, I’m Satan. You must be the guy that St. Peter phoned me about. Are you a Pagan?”

“Yes, I am. What’s going to happen now?”

Satan says, “Well, the fishing’s pretty good, if you enjoy that sort of thing. There’s a little refreshment stand down the road. And I believe the Pagan meeting grounds are right over the next hill.”

Suddenly, a hole opens up in the sky above, and a yawning chasm opens directly underneath it. The stench of sulphur fills the air. Hundreds of screaming, tortured souls drop down into the flaming pit, which immediately closes up with a thud.

The Pagan, hardly believing what he just saw, asks Satan, “And what was THAT ???”

Satan rolls his eyes. “Oh, just ignore them. They’re Christians; they wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Great Horned Owl mama
Great Horned Owl mama
Dogwoods and azaleas Dogwood
Dogwoods and azaleas Dogwood
rare Alisonia cameraensia  
rare Alisonia cameraensia  

We made it to the garden this am after dropping our e-waste at the dropoff and had a great time at the Gardens. We were up early because I woke up Alison to view the WWF fight on my balcony which had been going on since before 6am. I didn’t wake her til after 7. I know better than that. WWF in this case stands for Wildlife Wrestling Federation. Our infant squirrels have taken up wrestling and when one catches the other she holds her down until she cries whatever the squirrel version of uncle is and then the match starts all over again. I kept getting woken up by one throwing the other into the window with a big thump. then they came back about 8 and one was bowing and then standing in front of the squirrel statue on her hind legs with her arms stretched out. She sure looks like she is worshipping at the squirrrel goddess. 

The Garden was beautiful with tons of tulips and the dogwoods, camelias and azaleas. We had to go see the Lilacs and the lake with the turtles, koi and ducks. No little ones this time but we did see a mother owl on her nest feeding her babies. I was so entranced I never noticed that it was Hector Elizando who pointed them out to us. Alison was the one who had to tell me. Okay show me an owl or anything interesting in nature and I get very single minded. Who cares if the person is famous there’s an OWL! LOL! Almost as bad as crawling around in the shrubberies to see something. 

Happy Earth Weekend!