unknown malaise

I wish I knew why when I have things I need or want to go to I get all dressed and can’t get out of the house. Since Cam died the house has increased it’s gravitational force. I can get to the garden once I get home for the weekend but I rarely leave it once I get there on Friday night. I think Ali has the same problem since she rarely rides het bike and we almost never make it to the movies and we used to go almost every other weekend.

I should have gone to TOILA’s ritual this weekend. I got all dressed. Lay down on the couch and went to sleep so I missed the time I needed to leave. I wanted to go just couldn’t. I’m not depressed and not being passive- aggresssive just immovable. Sometimes I can’t even get to the market. I used to be a perpetual motion machine but not at the moment. Someone blew my pilot out.