Archive | September 14, 2005

Prayer for Pat Robertson

Oh, Holy Handgrenade of Antioch:

And Saint Atilla raised the Handgrenade up on high saying, ‘Oh, Lord! Bless this, thy Handgrenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits in thy mercy. And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and oragu-tangs, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chu-‘ ”

Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother… *waves at him*

Another Monk: “And the Lord spake, saying, ‘First, shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting, shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then procede to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou, thy Holy Handgrenade of Antioch, towards thy foe… who, being naughty in my sights, shall snuff it’… ” *closes book*